Really.. What can I do :(

I don't care if I have to waste 10 more years of my life
Or even my whole life
Just to like you
Even after knowing the impossibility..
I honestly really don't care anymore
Coz if I care
I wouldn't have kept it for so long
I know the truth
I know and completely understand it
Just keep being nice to me
Even if you think it's bad
How much worse can it be than living like this?
Honestly.. This is not even living anymore
This is literally human cruelty
What's the point of living like this
Even when you're miles apart
Even when we just talk once or twice a month
My whole day... morning til night
Is only filled by the thoughts of you..
It's honestly a torture..
So why can't things be just like before?
Why won't you allow me to still like you?
I don't know if I could ever say it to you tho
I'm honestly so so scared of losing all of you =(
Losing part of you is already killing me so much
I cannot imagine to lose you completely
So I hold back
I suppress it so hard
But oh god.. If only you knew this pain
What it feels like to hurt everyday
This is just so crazy
Why can't the tears stop
I want you to know that it's hurting me so bad
But I know you'd hate it when I post things..
Oh really.. What can I do :(

Cold Truth

I know that I don't have much to give

And there's probably nothing that you need from me

But I would give you my everything if I could

And I would not hold back on anything for you

Coz you mean so much to me

Just absolutely everything

But you don't want any of that

And you don't need any of that

This is the cold truth

And there's nothing I can do

When will it stop?

It's not that I don't know
It's not that I don't understand
It's not that it doesn't make sense
It's just that it hurts
And it doesn't stop
Will time really heals everything?
Why does it move so slowly..
And this constant pain..
When will it stop?

All Over Again

Arghhhhhh I should just get used to it
I should just know that I'm no longer that special
I should know.. and I know
But why can't it hurt any less?
Why do I still feel the way I feel?
I literally don't know how to stop this feeling
I don't know how to not feel the way I feel
Only tears pounds up again and again
And just always
What can I do?
Really... what can I do? =(
It's not ur fault
And I can't say anything to you..
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh............... what should I do........
And how to stop this.............
It's happening all over again

If my brain can stop thinking.. And my heart can stop feeling..

If my brain can stop thinking
And my heart can stop feeling
Then maybe everything will be alright
Coz this constant battle everyday
A war I'm having myself
Consumes my emotions so much
To the point I wish I can just be gone

GOING SO FKIN CRAZY ALREADY.

What do you do when everything is just wrong?
What do you do??????
I really don't know
Even doing nothing is wrong
How much longer do I have to endure this?
It's just so tiring :(
Can't things just go back to they way it was?
I was fine....... It was fine
Will alcohol makes it better?
Will drugs makes it better?
Will suicide makes it better?
WHAT WILL MAKE IT BETTER???????
I REALLY DONT KNOW ANYMORE
AND ITS SO BLOODY FRUSTRATING
REALLY........ WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GOING SO FUCKING CRAZY.

Coz it's all bound to be the same anyway

Nothing you do or say will make me like you any less.. 
It prob will hurt me, but it won't be a reason for me to stop

And really.. The ultimate truth is that I don’t want to like anyone else
Even if there's a million better people out there
It doesn't even matter anymore 

And if you worry about the future, its already as fucked up as it is now. 

How much worse can it be? 

Now is already hell, so how much more of a hell can it be later? 

If the outcome is always going to be the same, why can’t I just be happy for a bit more? 

Powerful Quote ~

 

How did I lose it?

Maybe you should stop saying that you're busy
Coz the truth is, its a matter of priority
You're not the only one that works til midnite
No one's ever too busy
Just how you still have time for your other friends
I know that it's not your fault
I know that I shouldn't be blaming you
I know everything
But I just wish that I can be somewhat a priority
Like I used to be..
You used to tell me things regardless you're busy or not
Now it's just a short and cold reply
How did I lose it?
Things that I've built for 4 years
Things that I've work hard for
That I invested myself in
How did I lose it?

This I know but still I can’t find ways to let you go

Everybody's got something
They had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could been now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can’t find ways to let you go
I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be the one I love

Just a mask

Yes I'm living fine
I eat I breathe I work I sleep
But inside.. It's all completely torn apart
And tears would flow everyday
I may be smiling or laughing
But it's just a mask to cover up my sorrow

Was never good enough and will never be

I guess i was never good enough in the first place
They were all delusions and lies
Why do i still have hope when clearly theres nothing more?
Why?
I'm just a stupid fool
That keeps hurting myself
Can't even be the least I can be
Your silence is killing my soul
Though you think it might be better
It's honestly killing me in and out

Even in the midst of the busyness of life.

It's nearly 12am
Just got back from work
It's been such a long day
But still somehow all I can think about is you
Wondering how you going
What's life like over there
Have I ever crossed your mind in the midst of your busy life?
Probs not..
They say I should give you time to settle down
And stop bombarding questions
So I have
But..... Why is it so painful to suppress everything?
What can I do though..
Even in the midst of my busiest time
There's always a room for you..

Even though there's a million reason to give up, as long there's one reason to hold on, then I won't give up

Everyone agreed that it's a good thing that I moved away
Well, yes it's good if I want to get over you
But I don't... I dont i dont i dont i dont i dont
And I dont know how many times I should repeat it
BUT I DONT
I don't want to
I know that there's a million reason why I should
But as long as there is one reason why I should not then I won't
And it's so hard
Coz I'm trying to keep things together
I'm trying to keep things the way it was
I'm trying so hard.. But I'm doing it alone
And I'm losing everything bit by bit
The more I try the more I'm losing it

What should I do?

I tried..
I tried to keep myself busy
So I won't think about you
But I can't avoid it
I just cannot :(
Arghhh what should I do..
When I wanna talk to you
When I wanna see you..
When I wanna know how you going..
Argh.. what should I do?
Please tell me :(
Coz it's hurting so much
How to stop the tears
Just.. how..
Why can't things just go the way I want it to be?
I just..... wanna be your friend.................

Say Something

What a perfect song..



A song about someone who's really in love with someone. It's the kind of love that, to you, would have been forever. You try so hard, constantly giving your love to this person. You have finally given your complete heart and soul, all invested in this person, but the other person hasn't even given them half of that. You would go to the ends of the earth with or for this person, but you would not receive the same treatment. Eventually, it's too much. Giving everything you have to someone and receiving very little in return has consumed your thoughts, so you just want something. Just for the other person to say something. For the whole song, you're waiting, drawing it out just to give them more chances. Finally, you know that you will never be as loved as you love this person, so you swallow your pride, swallow that gut feeling that you're doing something wrong and should turn back, and instead says goodbye. Once a fighter, you have now admitted defeat, you have now given up on this person.

Because there's nothing else that I want

Argh......... I still cannot let go
Yet alone move on
I literally refuse to let go..
I know that it's torturing me like crazy
But I don't know why I'm just so bloody stubborn about it
It's like... There's nothing else..
Absolutely NOTHING else in this world that I want
I don't want money
I don't want fame
I don't want power
I don't want any of that........
I just want.. you..................
At least.. your attention.
So I'm going crazy that I'm losing it.

Too scared to lose what remains

Im so scared to lose you
To lose that friendship
That barely exist these days
But at least dont make me lose whats left
Im so scared to interrupt you
Im so scared to say hello
It seems like you dont have the time..
Im so scared that u'll hate me
Im just so scared to lose what remains..
Ive lost enough.. Dont make me lose more..
But what should i do?
When the pain is just so great
I wanna talk to u so badly
I wanna know how u going
I wanna know everything
I just want it so badly
Even when i try to convince myself that i dont
Tears would just flow unwillingly
I really dont know what to do
How to not feel miserable
How to not be depressed
I dont know anymore
Whatever i do seems wrong

Incomprehensible

If I say it, I will lose you
If I don't say it, I'm going crazy
I just don't know anymore..
Both is just as bad..
But option 2 is slightly better..

You see..
I'm ok if you ignore me
I still have my common sense
And understands that you're really busy
But when you're online over 50 times talking to them today
How can I not lost it?
It doesn't make sense..
It's not even logical

You say not to expect so much
But is one word or one second absolutely too much to ask for?
Tell me.. :(

Just incomprehensible.

One Second.. One word.. That's All I Need.

You know.. it doesn't take that much to make me happy
To cheer me up, to make my day..
Even one word.. is enough..
Just a little bit.. Even one second of your time is enough
But you can't even spare one second of your day..
I waited patiently everyday.. every moment.. every minute.. every second
Hoping for a tiny tiny miracle to just happen..
And sometimes.. that's just never.
Really.. is one second of your time too much to ask for?
I don't know what I should do to just get that one second of your time
Without me forcing it..
It's not fair.. they all took it for granted :(
You talk so much to them, it's bullshit if you denied it
I'm holding so much in.......................
And how am I suppose to say this?
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I don't understand..
What's that magic spell
If hard work and persistency just don't work anymore
What is that magic spell? Does such thing exist?
Going so crazyyyyy........

You still surrounds my whole world

I may be living
Thousand miles apart from you
But it's as if my soul never leaves
My mind
My heart
Everything still revolves around you
Even after so many months passed by
Even by the distance
Even by the lack of time spent
Even by the lack of communication
You still surrounds my whole world