Jumbled up thoughts

Today, you made my heart pound all over again
The excitement waiting for your reply
The disappointment that you took so long to reply
All feelings mix into one
I don't know what to call it anymore

Why do you appear in my dreams so often?
And why are you always the villain in my dreams?
Whenever I wake up, I feel glad that it's only a dream
Afraid that it will become reality
When we won't even be friends anymore
I'm really scared of that

Sad and happy
My feelings are all mixed up
I'm too confused
Not knowing how to feel
Only expecting a little bit
Knowing nothing will return

I'm trying to control myself
Not pouring everything to you
Not to hope
Not to feel a thing
I'm teaching myself to be numb
But somehow I just can't
It's too hard

Tell me why you exist in my life
What is the meaning of this?
Everything is unpredictable
Quite curious to what the future holds

Here's just some jumbled up thoughts

The littlest thing you say makes a big difference in my day

It's been one of the longest time we haven't talk
About 3 weeks that is..
It feels like forever to me..
And so I had the chance to talk to you yesterday..
I was gna wait for you to call me first
But I guess that won't happen
So I took the chance and talked to you..
I was quite surprised when you greet me with
"hey! long time no talk"
So you realized that we haven't talk for quite a while
Even tho that's only a small thing
It really made my day
I feel quite special thru those words..
So as usual.. I made the topics
And you being your usual way.. quite passive in the conversation
Anyway, we didn't talk for long..
But it's okay..
You said you were going to sleep..
And as usual.. I like the way you say "gdnite =)"
What surprised me even more is when you asked when I'm going back..
And the climax of the story is when you said..
"anyway we shld go out for lunch or something wen u come bak =)"
OMG.. even though.. that's probably nothing for many people
It's actually the most surprising thing that I've ever encountered..
I can't explain my happiness..
My heart was overflowed with joy.. and still is..
I kept smiling today thinking about our conversation yest.
The littlest thing you say makes a big difference in my day..

The Story of A Fool

You know it's impossible
You know it wont work
Yet you still insist to continue with it
Somehow you just can't let go of the love
You crave for it
You want it badly
More than anything else in the world

It breaks you down again and again
It crushes your heart all the time
It gives you false hope
It makes you curious to what it's like having it
It's painful and distracting
Yet you cannot live without it

You keep trying to get their heart
Their attention and love
You put all your heart and soul
All your mind and hope
You wait patiently for them day by day
You give your everything to them
And what you get in return is nothing
Nothing but looking like a fool to them and the world

Here's the story of a fool
Who keeps going on and on about this stupid thing
When you perfectly know that it won't happen
Not in a million years..
That's why I'm a fool