The Ending

It's funny how there's no more tears within me
I guess my tears has dried up after crying almost everyday for the past 2 years
These past 2 years has been absolutely crazy
The pain gradually builds up
The distance is gradually adding
The fight is never ending
The delusions.. the denials.. the urge of everything.. were too overwhelming
The signs were apparent enough
And eventually it leads to that day when it ended
I've been too tired
So when it all comes to an end
There is nothing left within me
Although in saying that,
I still don't know how to move on
I am slowly letting you go
But you are still a big part of me
Maybe it'll be gradual as well
But I hope this can soon passed by
Because I am tired

Goodbye

Goodbye to the most perfect person I've ever known
It was a good 6 years
I guess only the memory remains now
Though I understand that this is the best for the both of us
Ofcourse this won't end my sadness
I will miss you very much

Just A Trash

Its intense, its crazy intense

When you’re willing to give your all

When you’ll settle with almost nothing

When you try so hard to keep things together

But in the end, you’re just thrown away

Like something worthless

I know I did wrong

And I messed up

But how can you be like this to me

With your cold words

Your ignorance

Its not gonna make me hate you

Instead it’s piercing right through me

You’re everything that I’ve ever wanted

You’re someone whom I really admire

Who I look up to so much

But in the end… what am I to you?

Nothing but a piece of trash who bothers ur life.

Is liking you the biggest sin?!

So I keep hearing things about you from your friends

And everytime.. That heartwrenching feeling

I just cannot help it...

It hurts sooo sooo soo much

And there is literally no words to describe this feeling anymore

The pain feels so unbearable at times

I just.. Don't know anymore

Can't see can't talk can't do anything

It's so suffocating

Why do you hate me so much, when you can forgive those who literally abuse you and talk behind your back.. 

Yet both of them are your closest friend..

I just cannot comprehend

Is liking you the biggest sin?!

Holding Back

Do you know how hard i am trying?
Im trying so hard not to bother you
Im trying so hard to control myself
To hold back my feelings
But it gets up to a point where I cant hold it anymore
Coz I want you
I want you here
I want to talk to you so badly
But.. At this rate..
Even that is impossible
I miss you
I cant help but to look back on how beautiful it was
How happy I was
I know it's my fault
But I just dont know what to do anymore..

Fear

Keep asking myself..
Why am I doing this to myself
Why am I making all these decisions
When I know it's just going to hurt me even more
The things I do will just confirm that things won't ever go back to the way it was
I will see the things I'd hate to see
Hear the things that will hurt me
Know things that will just crush me
I know it's going to get ugly
But a part of me still wants to go through it
I don't know if it's out of my own selfishness
But everyone has that part of them
I fear for the future
I'm sacred you'll be mean to me
I'm scared you'll avoid me
I'm scared you'll hate me forever
These fears.. Is draining me so much