Not to Love

I have decided not to love anyone anytime soon.
I now realized that to love someone is a decision..
For me, when I see someone that I considered quite alright.. I think to myself
Then I make the decision to continue it or not..
Most of the time.. I continue it
Ending up suffering coz I know I'll never be with them

After the last experience I had.. I have learned my lesson
I decided not to do it anymore
It hurts like hell when love comes only one sided

Recently, I have considered someone to be quite alright..
I don't like him in 'that' way yet..
I mean.. he has the criteria that I wanted..
Very good looking indeed, good fashion sense ++, smart!!
Well, tonight, I had the chance to go with all
my friends to this final year dinner thing
He was there..
All my friends kept teasing me.. it was alright at first..
I didn't quite mind..
Until it gets to a point where it was too obvious..
It's fun teasing ppl, but when u're the one getting teased..
Then that's not that fun..
Then, something happened..
At that single moment.. I froze..
I was like.. alright..
But I knew straight away that I was jealous..
It's funny bcoz I actually don't like him yet..
I just considered him quite okay.
Yet I'm jealous when some things happened.

I know that my friend is a lot more outgoing than me..
And sooner or later.. they might become good friends..
Conflict might come in between..
Rather than ruining our friendship
And I will suffer..
I rather stop it now..
And don't care about stupid things like this..
I wanna concentrate on my study..

After getting over someone..
I realized that I can be more focus to my study
And not think of useless stuff..
So, it's better to be this way..

LOVING CAN BE PAINFUL

Not Fair

sighh.. I hate it when things don't go my way. I hate it when things got out of control. I hate it when I don't get what I expect. It's very depressing. sighhhhhh...... I don't know what God is trying to teach me here. I'm sure there's a meaning behind everything. I studied.. I work hard.. I practiced.. I prayed.. Do I need more? I did rely on God.. I know it's not my capability. Was I too confident? I'm not too sure. I have a habit of comparing myself to others.. It felt like I have done more than them. Yet it's always me who got the worst out of all. Those who did less work got better. I just feel that it's not fair.

AS night

so so soo.. 12.07am right noww.. just got back from an AS nite. What a wonderful night it was..

Place : Wan's House

Time : 8-11.30?

Member : Wan, Shan, Jo, Jude

hahahha.. don't know.. we kinda loose track on the time. Well, I feel bad coz we were supposed to do and finish the tute completion.. but obviously that didn't happen! Well, what do you expect... 4 girls in one room? of coursee talking laaa.. hahha.. well sadly Fran missed out on this wonderful night.. but it's alright.. we can make another time so she can join in. Well.. through out this talk.. we basically know each other more and more.. even to the deeper side. We discovered some interesting fact about the past.. and yeahh.. it was just an awesome night =) I'd like to have more of this.. We're all pretty sure that we'll stick together til the last year and we won't loose contact.

I love how we all click together. It didn't even take that long to connect. We're all different and diverse, but the main thing is, we all accept each other for whoever we are. We're not judgemental and we don't care how different or how weird people are. We just accept them and respect everything. This is what bonds us the most. I love AS so much. I appreciate when people accepts me for who I am. I love this friendship where I can be myself, where I don't care about what they think. I can express my opinion, be loud and crazy. This is the moment I cherish the most =)

Big Slap

The past two days.. have been quite harsh on me and I don't think I'm ready for the big slap. Although my presentation went well yesterday,, I got my midtest back. I knew that I would fail that,, I knew it way before hand when I finished the test.. I was prepared to receive it. I know I would fail for definite. It was really bad. I think I have a test anxiety. It happened a few times before. Anyway.. So, I got it back. The mark was really bad. I mean.. I'm not shock, but of course I'm sad. I mean I did study for that test... but maybe it was not enough.. The main cause for it is because I forgot how to do the first question.. and all the other questions linked to that first one. I got so panicked that my mind went super blank.. I felt like crying and dying. I was shaking like hell. It was terrible.

One day has passed.. I still feel terrible about it.. my hope for a HD in that course is gonee.. long last goneee.. well, there's still a possibility, that is if I got 90 ish in the exam. Nearly impossible, but still possible. Anyway, today.. I went to get my draft report back. I went with a happy feeling, I thought I'd do well in that report. I did put my effort into that.. and I feel confident about it. I thought I did well. When I got it back.. I was like.. WHAT?? errr.. yes. horrible. Although I passed, it's still horrible! I don't know what to say anymore.. well, the thing is.. apparently the main reason I got marked down is I focused too much on America rather than Australia in that report =.= How stupid is that? arghhhhhhh.. well, thank God, that it was only a draft!!! so it doesn't goes towards the final mark. I still have time to improve it. But it really brings me down =(

Relationship

Relationship really puzzled me..

I'm not quite sure how does it feel like when you're with someone

Well, for me.. I haven't been with anyone my whole life

And I always wondered what would it feels like

Most of the time in my life, I adore some person

I wanted to be their good friends and be with them forever

It's actually one of the goal in my life..

I just want to feel it once..

All I ask is one time..

I wanna know how it feels to be with the person that you love

I have always want to know that..

And experience it..

Will it be a wonderful world?

When is the right timing?

I don't know..

All I know is I really want that..