Addicted to you - Avicii

I don't know just how it happened,
I let down my guard...
Swore I'd never fall in love again
But I fell hard.

Guess I should have seen it coming,
Caught me by surprise...
I wasn't looking where I was going,
I fell into your eyes.

You came into my crazy world like a cool and cleansing wave.
Before I, I knew what hit me baby you were flowing through my veins...

I'm addicted to you,
Hooked on your love,
Like a powerful drug
I can't get enough of,
Lost in your eyes,
Drowning in blue
Out of control,
What can I do?
I'm addicted to you!

Midnight blows in through the window,
Dances round the room...
Got me hypnotized,
I'm getting high on the perfume.

I couldn't live without you now,
Oh, I know I'd go insane,
I wouldn't last one night alone baby,
I couldn't stand the pain!

I'm addicted to you!
Hooked on your love,
Like a powerful drug
I can't get enough of,
Lost in your eyes,
Drowning in blue
Out of control,
What can I do?
I'm addicted to you!

I had it before, but now it's all gone

Just....... cannot process it......
You said I should lower my expectation?
And when did my expectation become so high?
Because I was there!
Because it happened before!
And it was possible!
But I don't know where it all went
And how things just changed
You used to say little things in the group chat
Regardless you're busy or not
At least you would say it
Now you're just making excuses that you're busy
You were always busy
But before you would still say something!
Those one word you usually made my day
And that was enough
Now there's no more of it
And I become frustrated
Then I don't know what's the reality
So I keep on guessing
Trying to figure out
Who you talking to
WHY IS OTHER GROUP CHAT SO FUCKING ACTIVE!
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I cannot help but to be jealous
ITS SO FRUSTRATING
COZ I HAD IT BEFORE
I HAD IT
IT WAS THERE
IT HAPPENED
NOW ITS ALL GONE

I just.. miss you so much..
I wanna talk to you so badly..
But I'm always too scared to say anything
Unable to express these feelings
I don't know what can I do?
Can't you understand where my frustrations is coming from?
Don't hate me
Don't get annoyed at me
I know it can be really annoying
And you don't have the obligation to care..
Just.. try to understand
Coz I like you so much
That it's beyond what words can say

The hardest part to let go is the memory
Too many good memories made
How can I ever forget?
Things just won't go back to the way it was
What remains is just tears and heartbreak

We talk or don't talk, I will still like you
We see each other or not see each other, I will still like you
Whatever you do, I will still like you
So why put me in such difficult situation?
If the outcome is always going to be I will still like you
Why must I be in pain?
Can't I just at least be happy for a moment?
Even if you wanna use me, I really don't care anymore.
Just do whatever you want.
Coz you're definitely irreplaceable :(

" Respect people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them."
"You lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you."

What a powerful quote. Do you know how much I'm hurting? Do you care even a slight bit?
You really mean the whole world to me. Just about everything. And I sincerely mean it.
So don't be too cruel to me, coz your every word means a lot.

Ok.. you say that I get upset if I'm being ignored. That's bcoz I don't know why you're ignoring me. If you're busy then tell me.

Your other friends don't care if you ignore them. Of course they don't coz they know they will still be good friends to you no matter what

But I don't. If I say something wrong, I could lose everything. So of course I feel insecure. And that's what leads to my frustration every time. And I have feelings, I cannot help not to feel.

I don't know what am I to you. We are friends. But was I ever a good enough friend to you? Was I ever in the same level as them? I really wanna be the best. But I can't I can't I can't.

And it hurts every time I realised that. Even before you knew the truth, I'm not just being sensitive, but I literally pay a careful attention of how you treat them. And it's different.. and I'm always so envious of it. But couldn't really show it unless I couldn't take it anymore like last time.

And no one understands this. Like why do I cling on to you and this hope so much. Because for the past 10 years or so, it keeps on repeating. Nothing ever changes. And it doesn't hurt any less every time it ended. They say I should just get away and avoid those people I can't be with. So I did before, and what.. I keep on liking people..  so I can't even like anyone? So I should just get away everytime I like someone? And everytime it ended, I end up having the same cycle over and over again. So rather than being hurt so many times like it has always been, can't I just stick to one person? I know the impossibility. But just let me be happy for once. JUST ONCE. IM ASKING JUST ONE TIME IN MY WHOLE GOD DAMN LIFE. Why is life so cruel to me?!

Even If I get over you, what's the chance that the same thing won't happen again? It always happened for the last 10 years. So really... what is the chance it won't happen again? And this is the reason why I cling so much to it.

But of course not a single soul understands this. They just say it's stupid it's foolish it's pointless. Then be in my place. You will know how it is.

Regret

I regret it, I regret it so much to tell you the truth
If I didn't tell you the the truth, you wouldn't have put such boundaries on me
I made the same mistake again
Again and again.
So stupid of me..
This time I've gone too far in the journey
It feels like all my accomplishment are stepped on and thrown away.

You took that last string of hope, and kept me alive.. that I might as well be dead.

My thoughts……… my thoughts…….  I have been thinking and thinking until there is no more capacity in my brain to think anymore. Everything is blur. I don’t know what I want where I want to be anymore. Like. The last string of hope.. is now gone. U literally took them away from me. You’re giving me half hope. You’re only half killing me. Might as well kill me dead, so I don’t keep on suffering. Do you really think being like this is better. You said we can be friends. But you’re putting boundary in our friendship. That’s not even friends. We can talk. But we cannot talk often enough. We can see each other but just not freely. Just once in a while. The time we spend together will give me so mch hope and happiness. Then you will take them away again. Its like push and pull. How can you put me in this state?! Do u really think if Im not used to being around you will make me like you less? While we are still friends? The fact that we are friends will make me like you no matter what. No matter if I see you or not. But the fact that you’re putting boundaries will just hurt me. If you want to hurt me. Just cut it right away. Not like this. Its like being on two boats. Trying to balance myself. Not moving forward nor backwards. If you’re letting me to be friends, might as well give me the full rights n treat me like a normal friends like u wld with ur other friends. 

Tell don't tell its the same either way.
Miserable it is.
It's been nearly 4.5 years OF COURSE I HAVE EXPECTATIONS!
And that was completely crushed today.
I know im being so greedy. but im human too.............
I hate money, coz it cannot buy anything
I would give u anything. absolutely anything. and i mean it.
But I don't even think you want that.

Shud rly let go. let go. let go.

no way out

I told myself it's okay.. it's okay jude.. dont think about it..
dont wish dont hope dont do anything
kept telling myself over and over again
but somehow tears wld just flow unwillingly
i dont want to be sad
i dont want to cry
i dont want to feel this way
but i do and i cannot help it no matter what i do
it just keeps on hurting
and everything becomes muddled
i wanna scream i wanna shout i want to hit something
so i keep hitting my head telling myself why am i so stupid that im acting like this
why am i so stubborn
why am i such a fool
and this would just repeat over and over again
so fucking damn tired of it
i just want to live a normal life...........
i just want to be part of you..
am i really asking too much?
i cant digest this anymore
its too much to handle..
i cant say it
i cant do anything about it
n this is the only way to express it.
there is no way out of this.

Don't hurt me anymore :(

Really.. I'm asking you. I'm begging you. Just please don't hurt me anymore =(
Please don't. It's honestly too much. I just wanna live a normal life.
And I can't take it any longer.

I don't know how to make it hurt less
I don't know how I can deal with this
I don't know how to not miss you
I don't know how to not think about you
I don't know how.

So.................. really stop hurting me
Stop making me a crazy fool.
I know it's all my fault.

Why am I such a fool. A stubborn fool. sigh