615 days

I didn't want to think about you..

But something forced me to write this down.

It has been 36 days.. since we loose contact..

What a time it has been..

Although I have reduced down thinking about you

Every now n then.. u still pop out in my mind

And little things still reminds me of you

Both the good at bad times

I still remember the first time we met

It was the 23rd of february 2008

I know there was something special about you

On that day, I took interest in you

I hold my feelings for a week

Until we finally talk again..

I added you on msn..
I remembered ur status was busy.. so I didn't bother you

The next day.. I decided to call you

We started talking..

At first it was a simple nice conversation

I remembered you were really friendly

We talked for about 3 hrs on that night..

I was extremely happy

From that day onwards I could not stop thinking about you

Our friendship grew further and further

We became quite a close friend

I was very happy of the progress I've made

I remembered looking forward to every weekend..

The day when I finally can talk to you after a week

You made me smile.. You always made my day

Every night, I used to read our chat conversation

I smiled and feel so content..

Wondering what will happen next weekend

Things did not go all smooth

Sometimes we ran out of topic

I have to think hard every day to create a new topic

Every night, I prayed to God so our coversation goes well

I think I really did love you

Now, it has been 1 year and 8 months

as well as 615 days..

and you still stick in my mind

I don't even know what to wish for anymore

Many times I wanted to give up

But something hold me still

That is hope..

I kept thinking there's hope

Even that is just to be friends

That's all I wanted

But now, I dont think I can even have that

No more friendship

It's all over..

Big mistake Ive made

No turning back

I have to move on..

Time Issue

Yes.. so I do have some time issue here.. some time ago.. I wanted to have time. It seems like everything is cramming up.. I have heaps to do.. and no time. I wanted to do a lot of other things, but it seems like I never have the time to do it. So right now, its holiday. People should be happy about holidays. Well I am, but the problem is.. now... I have all the time in the world. Isn't that what I want? I thought so.. but now I'm bored to death!! I have all this time.. yet I don't know what to do with it.. I'm just wasting it to do useless thingss.. I'm in no mood of doing anything the whole day. Not in the mood of studying or doing work.. (that's normal) but I'm not even in the mood of watching movies or playing games..!! ( that's not normal!) Not even in the mood of sleeping =.= Sooo.. I really don't know what to do!!!! and I'm very confused.. Why am I like this? Weirdd..!! It's not like I have nothing to do, it's just I'm not in the mood of doing anything. I don't know what I want anymore... and this is annoying!!!

Busy

Yesss.. it is BUSY.. I mean.. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one complaining about busy busy busy days n weeks. Well.. it is nearly the end of the sem, exams are coming up.. I'm sure many ppl are in stress mode. I feel like I'm drowning within my own works. Well.. I've been known as the last minute person. I'm sure I'm not the only one.. but its bad.. and something that I need to change. I'm still working on that.. well for now, finally finished math quiz and asgn.. thanks to Jun... Wan.. Fran.. Vincent.. u guys are the biggest help to mee =) Sorry for bothering u all =( right noww.. have to study for sda midsem.. haiz.. but at least after this.. there's the breakk! although its break.. I need to catch up on millions of things. Im so drowning... =.=

Hectic

Finally........ NO MORE SCICOM! well after spending sleepless day and night for hmm 2 days? finally I kinda finished sci comm.. woohoooooo.. On the last minute.. I got so sick of it that I really could not be bothered to proof read it.. well thank God it's finished.. anywayyy.. I'm not as free as I thought I could be.. there are stiill HEAPZ of things to be done..!!

1. MATH ASSGN!

2. MATH QUIZ!

3. SDA MID SEM!

thankfully.. after Friday.. it's the WEEKBREAAKK!! A rest after such hectic weeks.. and I don't even wanna think about exam times =.= might not sleep for the whole week.. gna be nightmareeee! I'm so excited about adv world.. or royal show.. dno yet.. n yeah..

although weekbreak is coming.. I still have to do some cathing up with some of the units... what a HELL! haizzzzzzz....... so tireddd... can't wait til the dec holz! Well.. I hvnt quite decide when I'm gna go back to Indo.. might be around dec.. coz I think I might work for a while.. earning extra cash won't be so bad.

I had my mcd orientation todayy.. well might start working nxt week. Finally, earning some moneyyy! Hmm.. I think that's all for today. Tmr.. gna srsly work on MATH! and play baddy as well =p Hopefully I can survive til Fridayy..!

What happened?

Thinking about it.. sometimes I do miss my past..

On the day when things fell apart with the person that I love..

Things also fell apart with my best friend

I miss them both

I really do

Used to spent hours talking to them

Now it's all gone

Not even an hour a month we talk

What happened?

I really don't know

It is a sad fact

But I just have to live through it

The hardest thing to fix in this life

Is fixing relationship

Good relationship is not easy to form

And not easy to be repaired

I used to be happy living alone

Although no one is at home

I still have my close friends through msn

Now that they're gone

I feel the loneliness

The emptyness

And I want it all back

Giving up?

Okay.. so as time goes by, I realized that I'm getting lazier and lazier. Like now, I meant to study for my quiz tmr, yet I'm in no mood at all.. so I'm here.. writing my blog! Well, right now.. I think I skip 4 lectures a week! haizz that is so bad. Well reasons are

- They're boring!

- Im always sleepy listening to them

- coz its boring n sleepy my brain is never there..

- therefore.. no point of me going, coz nothing goes into my brain

- plus we hv lecture notes that we can read at home

So the point is, whether I go or not go, nothing changed, so it's best if I don't go. I mean I tried going to lectures for a whole semester n stuff, and it didn't work out. Plus most of them are like 8am! I rather have my beauty sleep.

Anyway, on top of this, I really hate 1 of my unit. I struggle with this unit since last semester, but thanks to all my friends, I can survive the unit last sem. So this unit is basically all about calc. I'm just so lost, I don't know what the lecturer are talking about, what the contents are, and how to do the questions. Thankfully, this unit is not the core unit.. BUT.. I just checked last night, and for the next 2 years, most of the unit I'll learn is based on this unit =.= !!!! So the point is.. I better get it or not I'll struggle for the nxt 2 years!

I feel like giving up on this. I don't know if I'm destined to be an actuary.. I really don't know, sometimes I wanna change course, but I don't want to as well. Well first, it's such a waste of time, second, I already enjoyed it, I have lovely friends now whom I don't want to leave.

I kinda want a tutor to explain to me step by step about this unit.. I was thinking to ask the lecturer, but she might be pissed if I ask her to explain the unit from the beginning of the sem! I'm in a dilemma!!

emptyness

I do feel empty right now..

Just did econ essay, it was alright I guess, well I don't know if what I did was right or not, but I studied for it, so now I'm just depending on God. Got many more things to do before the week break, I'm kinda exhausted with all these workloads. Nothing seems to be interesting in my life right now, kinda boring I guess. Haiz.. This weekend, I think I might lock myself and do my report. Better get it done and finish before monday! I'm not in the mood of doing anything.

Aside from this, I was wondering.. whether I should talk to 'you' asking if you're mad at me. I don't know if that's going to be a wise decision or not. My heart says to do it, but my mind says don't do it. I think I might postpone this. But I really wonder how long will this be? Will we not talk forever? I hope not. I still wanna be friends with you. Things are very awkward now.. I'm confused.

If I talk to you.. will things go back like before? and everything seems fine? I don't think so, but it still is possible. I wanna know your response, why you are acting the way you are now. I really wanna know. But I'm not brave enough to ask you. I'm really scared. haizzz..

I miss you

I thought I could let you go
But maybe I'm wrong
I still think about you every now and then
I tried my best to ignore my thoughts
Everywhere I go, everything reminds me of you
Whatever I do, the memory keeps coming back
I really dont know what to do

I saw you today
I didn't want to see you
I was avoiding you the whole time
I think you did as well

We didn't say a word
Though you were next to me

I don't know what happened
Maybe I've hurt you
I'm sorry if I did

My heart beats faster when you were near
I tried to avoid the feeling
I tried to think about something else
I tried to ignore you
It seems successful
But my heart wonders inside

I want to know what you're thinking now
Why things ended like this
I want to turn back time
Where I was happy

I miss you every single day
I miss talking to you
I miss listening to anything you wanted to say
I miss everything about you

All I wanted was to be your friend
Just friend that's all
Maybe I did go a bit too far
I'm sorry I can't control myself

I'm lost and confused
I want things to be like before
Where everything seems good
Please talk to me
I miss you so much

thoughts of the night

Well, it's 2.50am right now. I meant to sleep by now! but I'm not.. I'm just doing nothing n thats what I've been doing the whole day. I feel very unproductive, I have a test tmr and I hvnt study at all!!! yess.. bad bad girl. And I wagged school today =.= haizzz I dont know why im getting more lazyyyy.. and in no mood of anything. But funnily enough, I think im happy right now. I mean I'm not too depressed. I'm just in a normal state. Which is good, very good indeed. Well yeah, I'm gna skip my morning lecture again tmr =.= I just hate lectures! they're boring.. n useless... haizz..well this is just the thought of the night. I slept twice today.. that's probably why I can't sleep now.

3.01.. just talking to a friend looking for a place to live. Well, I don't mind.. if he live in my place. But the image might be weird.. he's a guy.. I'm a girl.. same hse.. ermm.. might not be good. But my house is empty, I don't mind having a friend. hahaha.. but yeah.. so I don't know what will happen. Well.. I think that's all for tonight's thoughts. =)