Teardrop - Absolute Boyfriend OST

I love this song so much, esp the instrumental version. The story of this drama is VERY SAD indeed =( but I love it..Anyway, this song reminds me of the days when I used to listen to scoring music. It's very calming soothing and it gives me peace somehow. haha.. enjoy =)

My dream

I watched rapunzel today.. and one of the essence of the story is how she dreams of going out of the tower for 18 years.. and finally it came true. Thinking about it, I look at my life and think about my dreams. What do I want? I'm not too sure what I want to be in the future. Or how I'm going to live my life. I don't really have a dream. Some people want to be a doctor, lawyer, or they want to be the CEO of some company. Honestly, career wise.. I have no clue about what I want. Some people want to work in investment banks, insurance company, accouting firm etc. For me, I'm really whatever. Whatever job I get, I think I'll be happy. Some people might call me dull coz of this. When I'm dreamless. But one thing for sure. I know one thing that I really want for 19 years,, and up until now I still can't get it. Not even sure if I'm ever gna get it. Sad ey.. I guess if you know me, you'd know what I want. Well.. the answer is love! I just want to be with someone that I love. For some reason, it's just impossible. Something different about me made it very impossible. It's so frustrating thinking about it. I don't want money, I don't want anything else but this. One thing.. and it might sound simple for many people. But it isn't for me. Let me just experience it once, I think I might be satisfied. I only ask for one time. When will this dream come true? I hope someday it will.

Can't get rid of it

19 today!

Well.. what can I say.. I'm still me..
Can't believe I'm growing old..
On this special day..
Only the thoughts of you keep running thru my mind
I can't get rid of this thoughts and feelingz
It's getting rather annoying now
Coz I can't function properly like a normal people
Everything reminds me of you..
And I just can't get you out of my mind!!
I know I'm wasting my time..
But I can't do much..
I still really really do like you
Anyway, thanks for wishing me a happy birthday
It really makes my day =)

FINALLY!

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLLY!!!!! U TALKED TO MEEE!! =)))
OMGG.. u don't know how happy i amm..!!!!
im jumping for joyyy...hahah
the biggest smile on my face
the satisfaction in my heart
my patience has finally been paid off =))
im so happy!!!
so so happy!!!!
yayy.. im glad...
today is a good day
its an awesome day!
thanks god =))

I miss you

I miss you..
I miss you so much.. >.<
But it seems that I can't talk to you
I miss you more than ever!
My birthday wish is you
All I want is you
Let me talk to you for long
Please just for once notice me
That I'm here waiting for you all day long
I'm patiently waiting..
Coz I miss you heaps

Don't be sad

Please don't be sad..
Coz when u're sad..
I'm sad too =(
You did really really well
You did the best out of them all
You should be proud of urself
Well, I'm very proud of you
Please just cheer up..
I know you're a high achiever..
But it's alright
You should think of the good side
You're graduating =)
I'm sure many are proud of you
You're awesome
Super awesome
Don't be sad
Coz it breaks my heart

Talk to me

So December it is..
A few weeks had gone past..
I haven't talk to you for a while
And it feels like forever..

Everyday I go online hoping that you'd talk to me
I waited patiently day by day
When I see you online, I can only wish that it's my day
But it hasn't been so

As much as I want to talk to you
I just can't do it
I hold my pride,
I want you to be the one calling first

After a week, my wish had been finally granted..
So you did talk to me
And foolishly enough, I wasn't around to reply!!!
So mad at myself.. sigh
I replied.. but you never replied back..
I don't know why..

Now, I'm just waiting on the right timing to talk to you again
Or.. will you ever reply?
I miss you like crazy..
I miss you heapz and heapz..
I wanna see you..
I wanna talk to you..
I guess I'll just keep on waiting
For the right timing to talk to you..

This Is it

So this is it..
Maybe one last chance to see you and that's it
I nearly missed that opportunity
And you wouldn't know how devastated I was
So what will happen afterwards?
I really don't know..
I can't believe time flies..
Is this the end of the story?
It could be..
I can't predict the future..

Right now..
I miss you
I keep dreamin about you
I miss the good times
I miss spending time with you
Although mostly its filled with silence
But your presence makes me happy
Knowing that you're close to me puts me at ease
I miss looking at your face
I admire you lotz and lotz
and I love you so much..

Sometimes..
I wish I cld do more for you
I wish I cld be more of myself
I wish you'd be happy when you're with me
I wish we had known each other earlier..
Now its all too late..
It cld be the end of the story..
An ending chapter..
Of me and you..
This is it..

Letting You Go..

At this moment..
I don't know how should I ever let you go from my life..
I wasn't going to go back because of you..
Now, maybe that's a bit foolish..
Coz I'm blocking the pathways of my life
I listed down the reasons why to go back n why not to go back
I realized there's many things to do If I do go back..
And if I don't.. I only have you as a reason..
So trying to be reasonable, I decided to go back this holz..
As much as I want to stay here..
The chance that we will spend time together is probably low anyway

I don't know how I'll survive..
I will miss you so much >.<
And after this, we won't be seeing each other anymore
This thought is just too depressing =(
Maybe I should just cherish the times we spent together
Put it aside as a memory
I can't do much with you anyway..
So I guess it's time to let go soon?
I don't know
I'm not very keen on the idea..
But there's nothing I can do now..
I'm going to maximize the time we have now
And the memory with you shall last forever..

I want to be with you

I can't hold it any longer..
Right now.. I want to hug you from behind
Hold you tight
And say.. please don't ever go
Stay with me forever
I love you so much
And be in that moment forever

>.<

Cannot Let It Go

what do you do when you just somehow cannot let it go?
it's officially 6 months right now..
well.. it hasn't been that long i suppose..
but the feeling is definitely there n getting stronger
too attached too tangled too deep too high too wide just definitely irreversible!
speechless.. clueless and lost..
what the hell am i suppose to do?
dont just say just let it go..
coz u know that letting go is never easy
i hvnt reach that point where i see i must let it go
and i dont know when that will happen..
i've been living in fantasy my whole life
why does the reality sucks a lot?
i dont ask for much at all..
all i want is one thing..
why cant i have it?
is it too mch to ask?
its nobody's fault
i just have such foolish heart and mind..
all i want is you you you you!!!
no one else but you
nothing else but you
i just want you..
my mind revolves around you
when u're not there i can go crazy
i somehow want u to know abt my feeling
but that might be the end of everything
i cant just ruin it like that
but i cant just sit back n live in fantasy
tough tough tough..
u're too perfect to be true
i cant stop admiring you
loving you
adoring you
i just cannot stop!
morning day and night..
all i think abt is u
when i probably mean nothing to u
when my existance doesnt make a sinlge difference in ur life
here's a life of one sided love
i just simply cannot let it go!

My Life Now

So.. It's been abt 1 month since I last update this blog.. What's going on lately? ASSIGNMENTS!! It's like NEVER ENDING assignments.. just one after the other or a few at the same time.. it's just never ending. I'm honestly tired. Basically that's my life.. going to uni everyday from Monday - Sunday.. from 11 am until 11 pm.. haha funily enuf, even tho I'm always in uni I never go to class =/ Other than this.. I have no life. It's kinda sad.. hahaha.. but I'm ok this way. I enjoy hanging around with my buddies.. Our routine of being poor everyday, with $5 budget for dinner, deciding where to eat everyday, we're all sick of kara n vicpark by now.. being in shan or jo's car.. trying to do asgn in cbs til 12.. procrastinating most of the time.. (ie going to my hse watching horror movie instead of doing asgn! or getting drunk? haha) stressing out together.. it's the good and bad times we spent together.. I will cherish it always. Semester 2 year 2 is abt to end very soon. Only 1 week left, then we have study break plus exam =( I cant believe time flies.. This also means saying goodbye to the 3rd yrs.. Even tho I just pretty mch know them starting end of last sem, I wish I could have known them sooner.

To you my special someone, I don't know what I'll do.. I don't know how I can cope without you around. It would be really sad. Do I just forget you or what. What am I suppose to do? I'm sad.. and I don't wanna think about it. Maybe I mean nothing to you at all. My presence probably doesn't make a single difference in your life. But your presence changed my life completely. I'm too attached and this is bad. I honestly don't wanna go back to indo. I hope I cld get an internship here.. so maybe I could spend more time with you? And I want to do what I promised you.. That is only if I stay in Perth this holz...

you.. attract me the most..

I'm sure there are many people who are better than you
More good looking
Smarter
Nicer
And the list goes on and on..
But somehow..
You attract me the most..
Out of all the other people in the world..
Why?
I really don't know..
I cannot find a reason for it..
I kept thinking why do I like you..
I seriously don't know
I just do..
No matter what flaws you have..
I don't care
I still like you a lot..
You're somehow very special..
Today.. you made my day..
You put a smile on my face
My heart feels content now
Please keep doing the littlest thing you do
Coz that's what counts the most
Thanks for a great day =)

Pain

Sometimes.. I think it's best if I don't know you at all
Sometimes I wish that I have never met you on that day..
Maybe it's best to forget about you
You being there gives me a lot of pain..
Everything is a big mistake
You should have never existed in my life
Coz it brings pain rather than joy..
I don't even have the slightest chance..
And that's what hurtz the most..
From now on..
I choose not to look at your pictures
I choose not to talk to you
I choose not to see you online
I choose not to wait for you day and night
I choose not to look at ur fb profile every second
I choose not to meet you
I choose not to see you
I choose not to know you
I choose to forget abt you!
Coz the pain that I'm feeling from all these..
Is killing me softly..
Making me into some psycho freak..
That sometimes I think I'm already insane..

The End Is Coming Soon

Day by day passed by..
I'm still heading no where..
It's getting harder for me..
Just to even breathe..
I tried to figure you out..
But it's too hard..
Human being is just too complicated..
I don't know you..
I don't know you at all..
It makes my life sadder..
Trying to do this all by myself..
Wishing day and night..
Won't change a thing..
I somehow see the end is coming near..
Do I prepare myself now?
I don't think I'm ready
The signs that this won't last..
Are very apparent these days..
I'm very sad indeed..
And there's nothing I can do.
No matter what I do
No matter how much I tried..
Nothing will change..
The end is coming..
Soon.

its uncontrolable already..

I cannot control this feeling...
I fell into a deep dark hole
And now.. I cannot get out of it..
Such a silly misatke..

How am I suppose to concentrate?
How can I not think about you?
I sometimes want you to know the truth..
But that would be the end of everything..

You're not telling me whats going on..
I'm so curious..
Why can't I know?
I'm sad........

Wasted Sunday..

Time? 6.36 Sunday 12-9-10
Place? Abacus 314..
Status? Bored..
Feeling? Nothing
Thoughts? I wasted my whole day

Just some facts abt today.. I feel like I wasted my whole day on nothing?
I came to uni.. for one reason..
I cancelled work.. jst to come today..
Suddenly.. someone bailed on me =(
Since the person that I wanna meet is not even here today..
I feel so wasted..
Didn't even study..
Nothing useful has been done..
Sigh..
Got midsems coming up..
Have to get myself together..

Confused

My life has been really confusing lately..
It seems like I don't know where I'm heading to..
I feel like I'm so lost in direction..
I don't know what I want anymore
Every time I think about the long run future..
I keep arguing with myself..
Having this battle of mind..
Makes me so tired and confused =(

I'm just going with the flow right now..
See where it takes me..
All I know is that I only want one thing right now
The one thing I can never have..
Which depressed me all the time..
I want it badly..
I need it to survive..
I know I have to give it up someday..
But right now is not the time..
Please.. let me out of this confusion!

Bitter Sweet of Love

The more I know you, the more I like you..
The more I see you, the more I see your charm
At the same time, I know that this is not going anywhere
Desperation strikes me.. sad feeling comes upon me
Knowing this fact, I feel so hopeless
Helpless like a baby with no one to care for..
When I see you, I could just froze staring at your beauty
When I hear your voice, I could melt to the ground
When I'm near you, I feel like I'm in heaven
I just can't stop thinking about you..
Baring in mind that it's going no where
And it's certainly hard to get closer..
I feel like life is pointless..
Oh how I wish everything would just turn out good
But I know that it's not happening..
I just want another day of happiness..
Why is it so hard?

friends forever

Though we can't be together
I still hope that we can be friends forever
Coz you always make me smile
And you always make my day
I don't think I will ever get tired of waiting
Waiting for you forever
I'll just support you in whatever you do

Part of me wish that you were mine
But it's ok, I think I can handle it
Even though the feeling is getting deeper day by day
What to expect?
When I know nothing can be changed

I just hope that when you know the truth
You will not hate me
And we can still be friends

Live - Love - Learn

Live like you mean it
Unless you have no purpose in life
Love the one who meant to be yours
Until death separate the two of you
Learn from your mistake
Instead of remembering the past

In A Rush - Blackstreet

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

how i try to express
whats been troublin' my mind
but still i cant find the words
but i know that somethings got a hold of me

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

baby someday ill find a way to say
just what you mean to me
but if that day never comes along
and you dont hear this song
i guess you'll never know

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel in
feel what i feel inside

and when i say inside i mean deep
you fill my soul
and thats something i cant explain
its over me

cuz it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

Over and Over Again

People keep asking why I do the things I do
Even though I was hurt lotz of times..
I still do the same thing over and over again..
I too wonder why..
Thinking about it..
I came to a conclusion..
I realize that I crave it
I need it
And it feels good

Yes, I know the consequences
It's not easy to face
It can be unpleasant too
I know all that
People don't have to lecture me

It may sound stupid dumb reckless selfish and immature
It's not like I don't think before I take my action
But sometimes I can't control the way I feel about some things
It just happened naturally
I don't know why I'm like this
I don't know why I'm very stubborn
I do admit that I lack of self control
Because all these.. I still do the same thing over and over again
So don't ask anymore..
I'm just one foolish girl

Semester Updates

Now that it's the start of my holiday, I just realized that I have nothing to do! I haven't write in this blog as much as I did last year, so now that I have nothing to do, I'll just update everything within 1 day. Here we go with the semester updates...

March - The start of 2nd year first sem. I totally planned to work harder this sem and yes I totally failed that. At first, I went to all lectures n tutes, after a while.. I began to slack and that continues til the end of the sem. Sighh.. Anyway, so in March.. It was all pretty cool. We were thinking to go exchange to UK, but I guess regarding all the circumstances it won't happen. Oh, also started gym membership, but totally failed to go after a while. Mostly I watched drama and continue my obsession on korean things.. and practically do nothing the whole month.

April - I went to melb finally. Had a great time there.. Kinda liked someone there, but not for long. I still hope to really do good in the sem. Then I applied for my citizenship.. then end of month,, it was damn insane coz we had 3 midsems in one day!!! I really thought I'd get 0 for one of the midsem, and the one that I studied hard for,, I totally failed it. sighhh.. it was depressing.

May - Uni depressed me hell lot, esp after getting midsems back. It totally crushed my hope and dreamz. sigh. The start of this month, I met the person I like now. But the feeling wasn't strong at all back then. Then I went to sydney for my sis's grad and hm, nothing much happened I guess. By the end of the month.. I shared about my love life with a couple of friends..

June - It's a hectic month indeed. The start of the month started with my love life getting stronger. And June is the month of exam indeed. I went to the lib since the beginning of week break til the end of exam everyday from 10am-10.45pm. I think my brain was about to explode from all that. It ended with me and Jo staying over night at abacus lab on the last day of exam! What an accomplishment.. hahaha.. of course I'm thanking my study buddies Jun and Wan, and Jo as well for accompanying me for stats exam!! So many memories and crazy moments happened during those times. I'm gonna cherish it all =)

So that's the highlight of the sem. Now, outlining my perfomance in exams..

Finance - The first exam, omg.. it was literally the worst exam ever. I seriously doubt I'll pass the exam, but you know, nothing is impossible. Thankfully, I'm not the only who found it hard. So hopefully, they'll scale it up, and yeah.. I just wanna get the exemption >.<

Adv Calc - It wasn't as bad as finance, but I have to say my performance was really poor in that exam. I can't blame anyone but myself. I didn't spend enough time practising all the questions and stuff. So yeah, I just hope for the best. My internal mark should help to bring up the overall mark.

POIS - The exam was really similar to past papers. Thank God, I did all the past papers and did all the notes ^^ so yeah, it wasn't that bad, although I screw up the last question. But oh well, it was a nice break from all the exams that I've done. Although I kinda feel bad for relying 99% on the notes, but oh well. I feel happy for once in my life, after all the depression from the previous exams.

Math Stats - This subject is such a killer subject indeed! You don't know how terrified I was before the exam. After screwing up midsem, my hope for the subject is crushed to death. All I can depend on is the exam. So, I studied hard for this, well maybe not that hard.. hehehe... But I didn't go home nor sleep to study for this exam. In the end, I think it was worth it. The exam was not as bad as I thought it would be. It was pretty similar to the tutes, assignments and midsem which I wrote in my notes. So yeah, it was a nice wrap up for everything.

Now that everything is done, it's only the result that is left to go. I'm actually really scared. Esp for finance. I just hope and hope I will pass, and if miracle happens.. get the exemption? I really don't know. I think now it all depends on the scaling? sighhhhh... it really depressed me. And if I get a sup exam, I'll be in Europe... so it's like kinda impossible to go back to Perth right. Might as well redo the unit. Sighhh.. But yeah, I surrender everything to the big God up there. I've done my part, now I will just patiently wait for the outcome. I'm thankful for everything though =) okay.. what a long post it is now.. hahahaha.. it's compensating for all the missing updates this year..

Officially Missing You

I'm officially missing you

I don't know if my love is going to fade away

But right now, all I know is I'm missing you

I don't know what I like about you

But I do know that I love every part of you

Although, I haven't got the chance to know you very well yet

I know that I like you very much

I'm missing you from the deepest part of me

I can't get you out of my mind

You don't know how much I am wishing

Just to talk to you or to see you

Maybe all I can do is watch from behind

Maybe you won't even know it

But I don't care

Just to know that you are there

It filled my heart with joy

Your presence changed my life

I will strive harder

I will work harder

I will try to impress you

You are my motivation

I wanna be like you

I can't wait to see you again,

In the littlest chance I've got

I will wish and hope

That we can get to know each other better

I'm officially missing you

Lucky Day

So here I am, back in Indo.. finally! After a very long journey indeed. Although it was long, I have to admit that I've been very lucky the whole way through. It started when we arrived in Singapore for a transit. First of all, we were really hungry and were looking for a place to eat, then we remembered that there's this chicken rice place that is really nice, but we weren't sure where exactly the place is. When we walked through Orchard Rd, one of the building seems familiar and we just walked in there. We had no idea where this chicken rice place is and there were like 5 levels in that mall. So we just went up to level 1.. and somehow my instinct told me to go left from the escalator, and voila, we found the chicken rice place just by instinct. After we had lunch, I was really thirsty, but I can't be bothered to buy water. As I was saying to my sister that I was thirsty, there was a guy on the street giving out free water bottles to everyone as a promotion. So there I got free water when I was thirsty. Then, I wanted those $1 ice cream and right infront of us, there was this man who sells this ice cream. After that, we went to Takashimaya and just after we went in... it rained. But thankfully, we got in first before it rained. Going back to the airport, we were just in time to get to the MRT. It seems like everything is perfectly timed and placed.

Our flight was supposed to be at 7.05pm, by 6pm the check in counter was still closed. It seems so odd and so I thought our flight was going to be delayed. By 7 pm, the screen said that our flight was cancelled! So I thought,, wth,, did I just jinx my luck? We didn't buy travel insurance and so we thought we were gonna be stranded in the airport til the next morning. Thankfully, they covered everything and gave us hotels, transport, dinner and an early morning flight. My luck is back! It was a 5 star hotels, and we got a really nice buffet for dinner. Everything was worth it. We even got the seat that we wanted in the plane, and yeah. Thanks God for everything =)

love

I didn't know love was gna come so soon
I thought it wouldn't come again after what happened
I guess.. I was desperate?
I somehow can't live without love
I look and I search for it
I don't know what I'm going through
But it sure is pain for me

If you knew about it

You would get away from me

Maybe it's a good thing?

I'm not even sure

I know that we are not meant to be

That is until infinity

But somehow I can't let you go

I see you everyday

It somehow makes my life harder?

Thinking so much day and night

I don't even know what to say anymore

I wonder if there's a real solution to this problem

Even if there is, I know it wouldn't be easy

Sometimes I wanna give up with my life

I'm not strong enough to handle it

I'm a weak person and that I know

I do wonder how all these will end.

I just hope that I won't be hurt badly

For now, I'll just let time pass me by

Til whenever it's meant to be

I will let you go..

Updates

Wow.. it surely has been long since the last time I wrote here.. time flies so fast... Anyway, so.. let me think... it's end of May right now.. the end of sem is nearly here.. and of course exam is coming up real soon and honestly I'm not ready for it.. sigh.. my plan of working harder this sem totally failed and I regret it so much. Next sem, it's a damn must.. no more excuses for me! Anyway.. so a few days ago, went to Sydney for my sis's graduation, and it was nice having a little break in the midst of busy school life. Now that I'm back, I found myself drowning within the things that I need to do..!! sighh.. it's so depressing! Everything seems so hectic now.. T.T, well I'm wishing myself a very good luck for this next 1 month. Hopefully I'll survive and achieve a good outcome.. I'll update more later on :)

Be thankful for what you have!

The holiday has been TOO LONG for sure. I am bored to death everyday. Seriously.. 3 months? I mean, when I have to go to school, I always complained that I want holiday. And when the holiday comes, I want to go back to school. You know what that means? Human are never satisfied with anything. Even if they have everything.. they still want more. But what can I say? That's just the nature of human being right?

I know that it's not good to be greedy. Right now, I'm thankful for my life. I have to say I live better than most people. I have great family n stuff. But you know what.. I'm not satisfied just yet. I know I should be thankful for what I have and not complaining. But in practice, that's not as easy as it sounds. Lately, all I've been doing is browsing through korean forums. Looking at those actresses.. I wonder to myself. Man,, I wish I could be one of them. Well from the outside it seems like they live a good life. Not only that.. the fact that they are damn pretty makes me jealous. They have the perfect face, the perfect body etc etc. I mean.. who doesn't wanna be like that? Then, I look at youtube. I see so many talented people out there. That also makes me jealous. People with great music talent, great voice, just simply very talented. Who doesn't wanna be that as well? These things made me wonder a lot.

I know that everyone has their own struggle. That's just life. Although you seem to be happy, there must be something that you struggle with. I guess, the point is, as a human being, we are never satisfied with what we have. We always want more and more. We sometimes compare ourselves with many people. And you know what the outcome is? stress! You become stressed out over little things. So I guess.. the lessons here are..

1. Be thankful and satisfied with what you have
2. Don't compare yourself with other people, you never know what they're going through

Everyone is unique in their own way, there are always pluses and minuses within everyone. I guess we have to look at the bright side in anything. I'm still learning about these things. I guess I have put these concepts into practice.

I Love Korean Drama!

woahh... this is weird or what.. but right now.. I'm becoming a korean drama freak! ahhaha.. well.. This holiday.. I have watched Goong, My Fair Lady, Coffee Prince, and lately, I've been obsessed with you're beautiful! watched the series twice already. The first one, I didn't sleep at all the whole night.. I think I watched the series from 8 pm til 2 pm the next day without sleeping.. so damn good!! Can't believe that.. I am like this now. I used to hate asian stuff.. hahahaha.. mann.. what an influence I've got from my friends. Now I realized the beauty of Korean drama.. and music! hahahah..