My Birthday

So finally.. my birthday is over.. I'd say.. it was a great day. Well first of all.. It's been a long time since I had a birthday cake.. several years I'd say.. so it was great to have one.. hahaha.. and yeah.. I was happy to celebrate it with my big fam =) Here's some photo of my birthday..

Finally 18!

Happy Birthday to me

Me and my parents

Me and My Fam

Thank AS! I named him bluey =)

eighteen today

I guess.. I'm 18 now.. well literally in 6 hours.. since I was born at 7am indo time. But anyway.. so what does it mean to 18? 0r.. what does it mean when you grow older by a year? I mean.. everyday.. every second that passed by.. it means that you are getting older by that second or day. Anyway,, so back to the question.. what does it mean to get older?

I suppose.. when you're older.. you gain more experience. You master your life more, you understand more, you become more mature.. etc etc..

So at this time.. I wanna thank God for His abundant blessings. Thanks for letting me live until today, I really appreciate everything God. I know you gave your present already God, but anyway, I know that your blessings don't stop right now. I hope as I grow older, I can be a better person than I am now.

Best Birthday Present

My birthday is yet to come.. 10 days away from now. It didn't feel like my birthday is coming soon, I must say that time flies really fast. On top of this 2009 is coming to an end. I should say that.. these recent years, I have learnt a lot about life. Hopefully, I can keep growing and be more mature as time goes by. Speaking of which, even though my birthday is yet to come, God has already given me the best present ever. I could not ask for more. Yes, that is my result. I don't know what to do without my Father up there.. He has given me everything.. and I could not thank Him enough. This year has been quite a challenge for me. A lot of things happened.. Both good things and unpleasant things. But most of all, I have learned a lot from all these situations. And I'm thankful that I can experienced it. I really want to express my thankfulness to God. He has performed this result miracle a thousand times.. Even though I slack a lot, even though I was being very naughty, very rebellious, stubborn, He still forgives me, and He never forgets about me. I really thought for once He would let me fail my studies.. So that I can learn to be more hard working. That's why I was so scared that I would fail this semester. Yet I didn't. God has proven His power, all things are possible. It seems so impossible for me at first, but through prayer and hard work, nothing is impossible. So.. Thank you God for this early birthday present. I could not ask fore more =)

Happy? anyway.. THANK YOU GOD!

Well.. I'm really confused.. I don't know whether I'm supposed to be happy or not? Maybe I should be.. causeeeeee I PASSED EVERYTHING!! =) wooohhooo.. no moree sup exam.. or redoing any units for next sem!! yess.. that's what I'm happy about.. the unit that I feared the most.. thank God I passed it.. BUT.. here's the but.. I don't know whether.. I'll be graduating as an actuary student or not. The lowest mark is 65.. and I got 63 for one of the important unit =( haiz.. I don't know what to do. But other than that.. I think I did extremely well in all the other stuff.. and I thank God for that.. all the credit goes to my big Father up there. Thank you sooooooo much!!! I know.. it's not bcoz of me.. it's all ur work God.. all my other subjects are beyond what's expected!! I'm so happy for them. Well anyway.. I'm kinda relieved. Don't know what to do for this one unit. haiz.. well whateverrrrrrr THANK YOUUU MY BIG FATHERR!!! YOU ARE AWESOME YOU ARE THE BEST =)

Goals

I'm honestly scared right now,, really scared of my results :( I can't stop thinking about it. Esp, knowing that next year is gna be much harder.. this is gna be a big challenge for me. I decided to create goals for next year. I wanna achieve something more. I'm gna be 18 soon, I have to grow up and be more mature. I can't lay back, be lazy and slack a lot anymore, I have to be more hard working. Successful people reach their place coz of hard work. Honestly, I don't think I have work hard all these times. I wanna change and I will try my best to change. Here are my goals..

1. Attend all lectures and tutorials, do tute questions, and study!!

2. Spiritually, I wanna read the bible everyday, and finish 1 the whole bible in one year

3. On the other side, I wanna practice piano as much as possible

4. I wanna try lead piano in my ministry

I think for next year, I wanna focus on those aspects first. I think they are the most important things for me now. I hope I can achieve this goal. And God,, pleasee.. let me pass all my unitsss >.<

My Current Life

So it's holiday now.. suppose to be a good time where I can enjoy life.. well it has been quite alright, I'm still worried about my result :( Idon't know what to expect any more. I don't wanna think about the worst, but it's always on my mind. Well other than this, I'm starting to take jazz piano lesson, which I'm really excited abouttt!! =) jazz is.. my passion.. well I mean.. I'm not good at it or whatever, but whenever I hear someone playing jazz music.. there's this adrenalin rush through my blood. There's this certain excitement within me, I'm just so in love with jazz music. It's one of the thing that I love so much. Although until now I still can't play jazz, but I'd love to do so. That's why I'm taking all this lesson, coz I know I'm not one of those people who are talented in music or whatsoever, I need someone to guide me through. I'm not a self-learner either. I tend to like instruction given to me rather than trying it myself.

If one day I can play jazz like a pro.. that literally means a dream come true. It has been my dream recently, and I still don't know whether I can achieve it or not, but hopefully I will. And I will try to practice hard to be able to achieve that. For those who always doubt me or criticize how bad I am.. although they didn't say it, but I know, I will prove to them that I can do it!

untitled

Have you ever been in love?

Do you think it’s wrong to love?

Tell me what should I do

I’m lost in confussion

They told me it’s childish to be jealous

They told me it’s wrong to love you

But what can I do now?

It all has happened

I can’t turn back time

Maybe it was a big mistake loving you

But the feeling is there now

I can’t stop loving you

I tried to forget about you..

But you are very unforgettable

Every single thing reminds me of you

You’re just glued to my mind

Tell me what to do

I’m so lost and helpless

Unforgettable - Nat King Cole

Unforgettable, that's what you are
Unforgettable, thought near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before
has someone been more
Unforgettable, in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
that someone so unforgettable
thinks that I am
unforgettable too
No, never before
has someone been more
Unforgettable, in every way
And forever more, that's how you stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
that someone so unforgettable
thinks that I am
unforgettable too

This song is.. true.. except the part where I am unforgettable is not true.. hahaha.. haizz.. it's hard to forget about someone.. still trying trying and trying.

Rating My Life

yo yo yo people... I meant to study now! but I'm not =.= sighhhhh... yesterday.. I did practically nothing.. today.. I started my study.. but mostly I've been wasting time and this is SUPER BAD! exam is in 2 days times. This is the only unit that I can certainly do well on, after screwing up the rest. So if I screw this one.. that I'm doomed. Sooooo I better STUDY!!!! yet I'm here.. hahaha. Speaking of which, I've been thinking a lot lately.. about nearly everything.. well my life.. and some other things. So here are my rating for my life..

Family - 8.5/10

Financial - 8.5/10

Love - 1/10

Appearance - 6/10

Intellegence - 7.5/10

Friendship -7.5/10

So pretty much.. I'm a lucky girl hey. From my point of view.. I do have a good family and financially I'm alright. I have some good friends which I'm happy. I dont think I'm that dumb.. but not super smart either. Appearance.. hrmm.. average I'd say. Love life.. ermm.. yeah.. never talk about that.. hahahaha.. oh well. I think I'm happy =)

Putting My Trust in God

Well, honestly speaking, putting your full trust on Him is not that easy. It is now exam times.. my first exam went really bad. Yeah.. one of the worst exam. I did study for it.. maybe not enough and I did pray as well. I don't know whether I'll pass the unit or not. But I have faith that I will although it seems impossible. But I believe God will make the impossible possible. In my eyes, it might be really bad.. But never doubt God's power. I want to stop looking back and move on. Coz there's nothing I can do now, all I can do is pray, surrender, have faith, and put my trust in Him. Whatever result comes out.. I shall give thanks. The 2nd exam.. was alright I guess. Hmm.. not quite sure.. but yeah. But for this unit.. I did really badly in the midsem.. So I have to get a certain mark in the exam to get above 65.. which is the min mark for this unit.. ( damn actuarial! ) It's certainly possible.. but once again.. I have to put my trust in Him. Now.. I just want to surrender.. and move on, study for my next exam.. and I thank God for everything.

Not to Love

I have decided not to love anyone anytime soon.
I now realized that to love someone is a decision..
For me, when I see someone that I considered quite alright.. I think to myself
Then I make the decision to continue it or not..
Most of the time.. I continue it
Ending up suffering coz I know I'll never be with them

After the last experience I had.. I have learned my lesson
I decided not to do it anymore
It hurts like hell when love comes only one sided

Recently, I have considered someone to be quite alright..
I don't like him in 'that' way yet..
I mean.. he has the criteria that I wanted..
Very good looking indeed, good fashion sense ++, smart!!
Well, tonight, I had the chance to go with all
my friends to this final year dinner thing
He was there..
All my friends kept teasing me.. it was alright at first..
I didn't quite mind..
Until it gets to a point where it was too obvious..
It's fun teasing ppl, but when u're the one getting teased..
Then that's not that fun..
Then, something happened..
At that single moment.. I froze..
I was like.. alright..
But I knew straight away that I was jealous..
It's funny bcoz I actually don't like him yet..
I just considered him quite okay.
Yet I'm jealous when some things happened.

I know that my friend is a lot more outgoing than me..
And sooner or later.. they might become good friends..
Conflict might come in between..
Rather than ruining our friendship
And I will suffer..
I rather stop it now..
And don't care about stupid things like this..
I wanna concentrate on my study..

After getting over someone..
I realized that I can be more focus to my study
And not think of useless stuff..
So, it's better to be this way..

LOVING CAN BE PAINFUL

Not Fair

sighh.. I hate it when things don't go my way. I hate it when things got out of control. I hate it when I don't get what I expect. It's very depressing. sighhhhhh...... I don't know what God is trying to teach me here. I'm sure there's a meaning behind everything. I studied.. I work hard.. I practiced.. I prayed.. Do I need more? I did rely on God.. I know it's not my capability. Was I too confident? I'm not too sure. I have a habit of comparing myself to others.. It felt like I have done more than them. Yet it's always me who got the worst out of all. Those who did less work got better. I just feel that it's not fair.

AS night

so so soo.. 12.07am right noww.. just got back from an AS nite. What a wonderful night it was..

Place : Wan's House

Time : 8-11.30?

Member : Wan, Shan, Jo, Jude

hahahha.. don't know.. we kinda loose track on the time. Well, I feel bad coz we were supposed to do and finish the tute completion.. but obviously that didn't happen! Well, what do you expect... 4 girls in one room? of coursee talking laaa.. hahha.. well sadly Fran missed out on this wonderful night.. but it's alright.. we can make another time so she can join in. Well.. through out this talk.. we basically know each other more and more.. even to the deeper side. We discovered some interesting fact about the past.. and yeahh.. it was just an awesome night =) I'd like to have more of this.. We're all pretty sure that we'll stick together til the last year and we won't loose contact.

I love how we all click together. It didn't even take that long to connect. We're all different and diverse, but the main thing is, we all accept each other for whoever we are. We're not judgemental and we don't care how different or how weird people are. We just accept them and respect everything. This is what bonds us the most. I love AS so much. I appreciate when people accepts me for who I am. I love this friendship where I can be myself, where I don't care about what they think. I can express my opinion, be loud and crazy. This is the moment I cherish the most =)

Big Slap

The past two days.. have been quite harsh on me and I don't think I'm ready for the big slap. Although my presentation went well yesterday,, I got my midtest back. I knew that I would fail that,, I knew it way before hand when I finished the test.. I was prepared to receive it. I know I would fail for definite. It was really bad. I think I have a test anxiety. It happened a few times before. Anyway.. So, I got it back. The mark was really bad. I mean.. I'm not shock, but of course I'm sad. I mean I did study for that test... but maybe it was not enough.. The main cause for it is because I forgot how to do the first question.. and all the other questions linked to that first one. I got so panicked that my mind went super blank.. I felt like crying and dying. I was shaking like hell. It was terrible.

One day has passed.. I still feel terrible about it.. my hope for a HD in that course is gonee.. long last goneee.. well, there's still a possibility, that is if I got 90 ish in the exam. Nearly impossible, but still possible. Anyway, today.. I went to get my draft report back. I went with a happy feeling, I thought I'd do well in that report. I did put my effort into that.. and I feel confident about it. I thought I did well. When I got it back.. I was like.. WHAT?? errr.. yes. horrible. Although I passed, it's still horrible! I don't know what to say anymore.. well, the thing is.. apparently the main reason I got marked down is I focused too much on America rather than Australia in that report =.= How stupid is that? arghhhhhhh.. well, thank God, that it was only a draft!!! so it doesn't goes towards the final mark. I still have time to improve it. But it really brings me down =(

Relationship

Relationship really puzzled me..

I'm not quite sure how does it feel like when you're with someone

Well, for me.. I haven't been with anyone my whole life

And I always wondered what would it feels like

Most of the time in my life, I adore some person

I wanted to be their good friends and be with them forever

It's actually one of the goal in my life..

I just want to feel it once..

All I ask is one time..

I wanna know how it feels to be with the person that you love

I have always want to know that..

And experience it..

Will it be a wonderful world?

When is the right timing?

I don't know..

All I know is I really want that..

615 days

I didn't want to think about you..

But something forced me to write this down.

It has been 36 days.. since we loose contact..

What a time it has been..

Although I have reduced down thinking about you

Every now n then.. u still pop out in my mind

And little things still reminds me of you

Both the good at bad times

I still remember the first time we met

It was the 23rd of february 2008

I know there was something special about you

On that day, I took interest in you

I hold my feelings for a week

Until we finally talk again..

I added you on msn..
I remembered ur status was busy.. so I didn't bother you

The next day.. I decided to call you

We started talking..

At first it was a simple nice conversation

I remembered you were really friendly

We talked for about 3 hrs on that night..

I was extremely happy

From that day onwards I could not stop thinking about you

Our friendship grew further and further

We became quite a close friend

I was very happy of the progress I've made

I remembered looking forward to every weekend..

The day when I finally can talk to you after a week

You made me smile.. You always made my day

Every night, I used to read our chat conversation

I smiled and feel so content..

Wondering what will happen next weekend

Things did not go all smooth

Sometimes we ran out of topic

I have to think hard every day to create a new topic

Every night, I prayed to God so our coversation goes well

I think I really did love you

Now, it has been 1 year and 8 months

as well as 615 days..

and you still stick in my mind

I don't even know what to wish for anymore

Many times I wanted to give up

But something hold me still

That is hope..

I kept thinking there's hope

Even that is just to be friends

That's all I wanted

But now, I dont think I can even have that

No more friendship

It's all over..

Big mistake Ive made

No turning back

I have to move on..

Time Issue

Yes.. so I do have some time issue here.. some time ago.. I wanted to have time. It seems like everything is cramming up.. I have heaps to do.. and no time. I wanted to do a lot of other things, but it seems like I never have the time to do it. So right now, its holiday. People should be happy about holidays. Well I am, but the problem is.. now... I have all the time in the world. Isn't that what I want? I thought so.. but now I'm bored to death!! I have all this time.. yet I don't know what to do with it.. I'm just wasting it to do useless thingss.. I'm in no mood of doing anything the whole day. Not in the mood of studying or doing work.. (that's normal) but I'm not even in the mood of watching movies or playing games..!! ( that's not normal!) Not even in the mood of sleeping =.= Sooo.. I really don't know what to do!!!! and I'm very confused.. Why am I like this? Weirdd..!! It's not like I have nothing to do, it's just I'm not in the mood of doing anything. I don't know what I want anymore... and this is annoying!!!

Busy

Yesss.. it is BUSY.. I mean.. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one complaining about busy busy busy days n weeks. Well.. it is nearly the end of the sem, exams are coming up.. I'm sure many ppl are in stress mode. I feel like I'm drowning within my own works. Well.. I've been known as the last minute person. I'm sure I'm not the only one.. but its bad.. and something that I need to change. I'm still working on that.. well for now, finally finished math quiz and asgn.. thanks to Jun... Wan.. Fran.. Vincent.. u guys are the biggest help to mee =) Sorry for bothering u all =( right noww.. have to study for sda midsem.. haiz.. but at least after this.. there's the breakk! although its break.. I need to catch up on millions of things. Im so drowning... =.=

Hectic

Finally........ NO MORE SCICOM! well after spending sleepless day and night for hmm 2 days? finally I kinda finished sci comm.. woohoooooo.. On the last minute.. I got so sick of it that I really could not be bothered to proof read it.. well thank God it's finished.. anywayyy.. I'm not as free as I thought I could be.. there are stiill HEAPZ of things to be done..!!

1. MATH ASSGN!

2. MATH QUIZ!

3. SDA MID SEM!

thankfully.. after Friday.. it's the WEEKBREAAKK!! A rest after such hectic weeks.. and I don't even wanna think about exam times =.= might not sleep for the whole week.. gna be nightmareeee! I'm so excited about adv world.. or royal show.. dno yet.. n yeah..

although weekbreak is coming.. I still have to do some cathing up with some of the units... what a HELL! haizzzzzzz....... so tireddd... can't wait til the dec holz! Well.. I hvnt quite decide when I'm gna go back to Indo.. might be around dec.. coz I think I might work for a while.. earning extra cash won't be so bad.

I had my mcd orientation todayy.. well might start working nxt week. Finally, earning some moneyyy! Hmm.. I think that's all for today. Tmr.. gna srsly work on MATH! and play baddy as well =p Hopefully I can survive til Fridayy..!

What happened?

Thinking about it.. sometimes I do miss my past..

On the day when things fell apart with the person that I love..

Things also fell apart with my best friend

I miss them both

I really do

Used to spent hours talking to them

Now it's all gone

Not even an hour a month we talk

What happened?

I really don't know

It is a sad fact

But I just have to live through it

The hardest thing to fix in this life

Is fixing relationship

Good relationship is not easy to form

And not easy to be repaired

I used to be happy living alone

Although no one is at home

I still have my close friends through msn

Now that they're gone

I feel the loneliness

The emptyness

And I want it all back

Giving up?

Okay.. so as time goes by, I realized that I'm getting lazier and lazier. Like now, I meant to study for my quiz tmr, yet I'm in no mood at all.. so I'm here.. writing my blog! Well, right now.. I think I skip 4 lectures a week! haizz that is so bad. Well reasons are

- They're boring!

- Im always sleepy listening to them

- coz its boring n sleepy my brain is never there..

- therefore.. no point of me going, coz nothing goes into my brain

- plus we hv lecture notes that we can read at home

So the point is, whether I go or not go, nothing changed, so it's best if I don't go. I mean I tried going to lectures for a whole semester n stuff, and it didn't work out. Plus most of them are like 8am! I rather have my beauty sleep.

Anyway, on top of this, I really hate 1 of my unit. I struggle with this unit since last semester, but thanks to all my friends, I can survive the unit last sem. So this unit is basically all about calc. I'm just so lost, I don't know what the lecturer are talking about, what the contents are, and how to do the questions. Thankfully, this unit is not the core unit.. BUT.. I just checked last night, and for the next 2 years, most of the unit I'll learn is based on this unit =.= !!!! So the point is.. I better get it or not I'll struggle for the nxt 2 years!

I feel like giving up on this. I don't know if I'm destined to be an actuary.. I really don't know, sometimes I wanna change course, but I don't want to as well. Well first, it's such a waste of time, second, I already enjoyed it, I have lovely friends now whom I don't want to leave.

I kinda want a tutor to explain to me step by step about this unit.. I was thinking to ask the lecturer, but she might be pissed if I ask her to explain the unit from the beginning of the sem! I'm in a dilemma!!

emptyness

I do feel empty right now..

Just did econ essay, it was alright I guess, well I don't know if what I did was right or not, but I studied for it, so now I'm just depending on God. Got many more things to do before the week break, I'm kinda exhausted with all these workloads. Nothing seems to be interesting in my life right now, kinda boring I guess. Haiz.. This weekend, I think I might lock myself and do my report. Better get it done and finish before monday! I'm not in the mood of doing anything.

Aside from this, I was wondering.. whether I should talk to 'you' asking if you're mad at me. I don't know if that's going to be a wise decision or not. My heart says to do it, but my mind says don't do it. I think I might postpone this. But I really wonder how long will this be? Will we not talk forever? I hope not. I still wanna be friends with you. Things are very awkward now.. I'm confused.

If I talk to you.. will things go back like before? and everything seems fine? I don't think so, but it still is possible. I wanna know your response, why you are acting the way you are now. I really wanna know. But I'm not brave enough to ask you. I'm really scared. haizzz..

I miss you

I thought I could let you go
But maybe I'm wrong
I still think about you every now and then
I tried my best to ignore my thoughts
Everywhere I go, everything reminds me of you
Whatever I do, the memory keeps coming back
I really dont know what to do

I saw you today
I didn't want to see you
I was avoiding you the whole time
I think you did as well

We didn't say a word
Though you were next to me

I don't know what happened
Maybe I've hurt you
I'm sorry if I did

My heart beats faster when you were near
I tried to avoid the feeling
I tried to think about something else
I tried to ignore you
It seems successful
But my heart wonders inside

I want to know what you're thinking now
Why things ended like this
I want to turn back time
Where I was happy

I miss you every single day
I miss talking to you
I miss listening to anything you wanted to say
I miss everything about you

All I wanted was to be your friend
Just friend that's all
Maybe I did go a bit too far
I'm sorry I can't control myself

I'm lost and confused
I want things to be like before
Where everything seems good
Please talk to me
I miss you so much

thoughts of the night

Well, it's 2.50am right now. I meant to sleep by now! but I'm not.. I'm just doing nothing n thats what I've been doing the whole day. I feel very unproductive, I have a test tmr and I hvnt study at all!!! yess.. bad bad girl. And I wagged school today =.= haizzz I dont know why im getting more lazyyyy.. and in no mood of anything. But funnily enough, I think im happy right now. I mean I'm not too depressed. I'm just in a normal state. Which is good, very good indeed. Well yeah, I'm gna skip my morning lecture again tmr =.= I just hate lectures! they're boring.. n useless... haizz..well this is just the thought of the night. I slept twice today.. that's probably why I can't sleep now.

3.01.. just talking to a friend looking for a place to live. Well, I don't mind.. if he live in my place. But the image might be weird.. he's a guy.. I'm a girl.. same hse.. ermm.. might not be good. But my house is empty, I don't mind having a friend. hahaha.. but yeah.. so I don't know what will happen. Well.. I think that's all for tonight's thoughts. =)

Rough Times

Things had been quite rough lately.. this past one week that is..

I think I'm coping quite well.. I'm still surviving until this day

I've walked through rocky roads

And the storm passed me by

It aint easy, but I'm still here

I was struck by a lightening during my journey

It shocked me

It hurts as well,

But it's part of the journey

I'm trying to forget

Trying to let go

Trying to move on

Trying to be happy for whoever

Trying to be happy for myself

I'm alright... just alright

I want to cry

I want to scream

I want to give up

I even want to die sometimes..

This journey is tough

I got to be tough as well

I can do it!!! I can do it!!!

I have to be strong..

Strong so I won't be shaken

I don't know who understands what I'm going through

Whoever does, they'll know what I'm talking about.

Obstacles

There is an old legend of a benevolent king who had his men place a great heavy stone on a certain roadway over which all his subjects would have to travel. He then hid himself to see who would try to remove the stone. No one stopped to try to remove the stone, but all worked their way around it, loudly blaming the king for not keeping the roadway clear. Finally, a poor peasant farmer on his way to town with a load of vegetables which he hoped to sell in the marketplace came to the blocked roadway. He laid down his load and with considerable effort and loss of time managed to move the great stone to the side of the roadway. Then, turning to leave, he spied a purse which had been under the stone. He opened the purse and found it to be filled with pieces of gold, with a note from the king indicating that it was all to be the property of the one who would remove the stone.

We all face obstacles and difficulties in life and have two options on how to handle them. We can either go around them and let another deal with them, or we can face them head-on and overcome them. As the peasant was rewarded for his work, we as Christians will be rewarded for persevering through the obstacles which try to hinder us.

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:36

After speaking about making a change, it reminds me of this story. Basically, all these things are what I'm going through right now. Obstacles, dealing with things, making a change etc etc. Well, this illustration has blessed me, and I hope it can bless many more =D I give the credit to one of my very good friend. You know who you are. GBU!

Making A Change

Making a change is never easy. To even think about making a change requires a lot of thinking, time, and effort. Currently, I've just decided to change one thing about my life. I never really thought of doing it, but now I've decided. I don't know whether I will succeed or not, coz it requires a lot of strength from deep inside me. To tell you the truth, I'm not a strong person at all. I'm really weak at a lot of things, esp having self-control. It's very hard for me to resist temptation and I easily fall. Well, anyway, I just pray to God to give me strength so I can cope with everything. I know I will have to overcome many obstacles and I know many temptations will come right infront of me. I have fallen many times, but I'm still here walking in the same road, going through the same journey, and trying my best to get up and continue on with this journey of life.

I really hate walking in rocky road, but I'm sure I'm not the only one. I believe everyone goes through tough times in their life, and everyone walks in rocky road. I know I'm not alone. We all have problems.

Well, anyway back to the topic change, I believe no matter how many times people tell you to change, if deep inside you still reject to do so, then it will never happen. Making a change is definitely a big step. Of course, making a change is done in order to achieve a better result. We all want to change our bad habits, we all want to change to be a better person.

For me personally, many people have told me to change this one thing about me. Even I think many of my good friends are tired of me by now. Right now, I don't even bother telling them things anymore, coz they're probably tired of me not changing. Well, you know, some people are just stronger than me and they can change sooner than me. But for me, it takes a longggggg time to change. Actually, take that back. Yes, it does takes a long time for me to change.. but it's even longer for me to even just make the decision to change. But, thank God, now I have decide that. Oh, and also many times, even though I've decided to change, I fell into temptations and took back my decision. Yes, I know it's bad. But as I told you, I'm not that strong. But I'm learning to be. This time I'm pretty serious about the change that I'm making. Hopefully with the strength from God, I can completely make that change, and win from it. AMEN!

IKEA trip

Well today, after we went to Indo Embassy to renew my passport, we decided to go to IKEA... Well, I hvnt been there for a while now,, a few years that is.. Soo.. we had lunch that is - meetball n chips - very intersting indeed.

After that.. we looked around.. well, I've been thinking to do some re-decoration in my room, since I'm gna live here for at least the next 3.5 years. I might as well make it nice and cozy.

So right now, my room is very plain dull n boring! seriously.. well messy as well =p but yeah, hopefully I can finish tidying my room before the holiday ends. So here are the furnitures in my room right now

1. Bed

2. Chest drawer

yeahhh.. THATS ALL! sooooo boring hey! So after having a look around in IKEA.. I got some ideas on what to do with my room. Well, I might do some re-positioning on some furnitures. Anywayyy,, I really really 100x do want my room to look like the room in IKEA. I personally LOVEE and ADOREEE small bedrooms and houses as well. I think it's very cozy, pack, and just simply NICE! So there were a few sample of small bedrooms in IKEA that I loveeeeee soo much! And just wished that my room could look like that. I mean, if I buy that whole set, it will cost a fortune, plus I'm sure my parents wont be willing to pay for it! hahahha.. so bad luck jude! Maybe next time, when I have my own house, or when I work full time, I can probably afford to buy a whole new set of furnitures. hahahah..

So for now, I'm just gna move some furnitures from my sister's room to my room.. hahaha.. that is.. a bedside table, a desk, a chair, and maybe I'll add a shelf. I'm just gna use what's available.. hahaha.. and be satisfied with it. Well, that's all for now. I'm going to put that one of the cool bedrrom that I saw in IKEA.

~ study break ~

Well, finally I can have some rest.. after waking up at 7 for nearly everyday! So, it's the first day of study break.. and yes.. no study just yet! well, I was planning to study since like yesterday, but that never happened. hahahha.. as always.. procrastinating is what I'm doing. Anyway.. let's skip this boring talk.. I made a to do list for this study break.

1. STUDY! derrr... obviously.. need to catch up on nearly all my subjects.. hahaa.. been slacking a lot.. well not a lot.. just all the time.. hahahah

2. CLEAN MY ROOM! yeahhh.. that's right! it is suchh a mess now.. well not now.. I mean it has been a mess since like the first time I move into this house.. hahahaha.. seriously.. I think I really should clean it this time whilst I got the time

3. LEARN TO DRIVE! yesssss.. I've been saying that since the start of the year! hahaha.. well I got my indo license now.. but I actually forgot how to drive now, since I havnt practise for hmm let see.. 8 months? hahahha.. I kept saying.. well, when my dad is here.. then I'll practise..butt that never happened either! I'm so bad at getting things done..well hopefully this time I can really get my L plate..

4. SORT OUT MY CLOTHES! hmm.. yeahh.. well recently I have a new set of clothes coming into my wardrobe.. plusss there's actually heapz of clothes that I don't use anymore. Either.. it's out of date, doesn't fit anymore, or I just don't like it anymore. So yeah, I might get rid of those unused one. coz my wardrobe doesn't fit anymore clothes! hahaha..

5. LEARN A PIANO PIECE! well I doubt I can get this done.. hahaha.. seriously.. well, currently I'm in love with this classical piece " Humoresque Op 101 No 7 " by Antonin Dvorak. It's a really well known piece and very nice indeed! I printed out the music sheet and tried to learn it today.. hahaha so hard though! I survived to learn half a page of the piece.. hahahha.. so bad lah.. I hvnt practise my piano for so long! I kinda miss it though.. ahhaha.. it's so nice when you can play classical piano.

Well, that's all.. I don't know whether I'll get them done during this 1 week holiday, but I'll try my best.

I wish I could.. I wish you would.. I will always..

I wish I could.. talk to you

I wish I could.. be with you

I wish I could.. be the one you love

I wish I could.. be your bestfriend

I wish I could.. share my thoughts

I wish I could.. express my feelings

I wish I could.. escape my misery

I wish I could.. be happy

I wish I could.. be who I am

I wish you would.. talk to me

I wish you would.. listen to me

I wish you would.. be interested in me

I wish you would.. ask how do I do

I wish you would.. care about me more

I wish you would.. always be nice

I wish you would.. always be there

I will always.. be there for you

I will always.. wait for you

I will always.. listen to you

I will always.. obey you

I will always.. care about you

I will always.. love you

A.S World

Okay, so this year is a special year. Well, that is because it's my first year in uni! It marks a new beginning in my life, coz I'm starting something new. Anyway, one semester has passed, and I guess it has been pretty much kewl. There's struggle here and there, esp during exams, as well as the every week online quizes.. but I managed to cope with everything. What I love the most is I met new wonderful people in uni. Yeah, they're my AS friends. After knowing them for half a year, here's a description that I can come up with..

Fran - So here comes the genius of all. (Background : Indo) just like me, anyway I'd say that Fran is the smartest out of all of us, the most hardworking one, never sleeps in class, even when it comes to boring lectures. Her eyes would still be wide awake and her brain would function very well. She's one of the nicest one as well =D

Shan - The Calc Genius! yeah.. that's her. A loyal friend as well. She was there to help me during my chicken pox time! ain't afraid of getting chicken pox from me.. hahaha.. when I asked her.. r u sure u want to drop me? " yeah i'm not gna let u catch the bus, that's what friends are for" awwww.. her house is pretty close to mine as well, so I always get a lift from her =D thanks girll..! (Background : China)

Wan - Here comes the crazy girl with wild imagination. Often is high.. even after drinking some non-alcoholic juice.. hahahhaa.. she's the funny one. An animeee drama korean freakkk!! yeahh! no one beats her.. Loves to direct stories.. and create some weird combined story. Well yeah.. That is wan. (Background : Malay)

Joanne - Here comes the ABC girl ( Australian born Chinese ) hahahah.. well known as the quiet one.. but don't get it wrong.. she can be crazy at times. esp when it comes too.. animeeeee.. just like wan! omg.. they can be in their dream world together! hahaha.. she's the smart one as well.. basically everyone is so.. hahaha.. (Background : Hong Kong)

Jude - And here I am.. hahahhaha.. I'm sure everyone would agree.. I'm well known as the laziest slackest one.. hahhahaha.. Always sleeping during lectures. Coz I think It's all boring. I cannot stand.. Nihal, Roger nor Nirmala. hahahahah.. so that's me =D (Background: Indo)

And that's A.S whom I love so much. Our fav past times include Card Games ( big two, cheat, snap), Karaoke, Badminton, Movies, and ofcourse Shopping! We're all different and diverse, but here we are joined together in the acturial world. Can be damn loud at times and crazy nearly all the time.

Here I am

So here I am, sitting right infront of my bestfriend. Yes, my bestfriend, that is my very own laptop. I'm just one ordinary girl living alone at home, where no other living things breathe ( other than trees etc ) That's why my laptop is my bestfriend, because it's the one thing that keeps me alive and well entertained at home. Without it, I'll be bored to death.. probably sleep all day long.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm blabbering about my laptop here.. the point is.. It's me again back to blogging. An activity that I used to do 5 years ago. After thinking for quite a while, I thought I might as well do it again. It seems fun anyway. Well, lately it seems that blogging is coming back alive. As a friend told me, it's the "digital era" where you share your thoughts online and digitally. I sometimes wonder why do people blog? After running some discussion moments, I came to this conclusion. People need to share their thoughts. And sometimes an ordinary person ie. your closest friend, can't simply listen to everything in your head. Or you might not feel comfortable telling everything to them. Sometimes you just need to be alone and think about the things around you. About your life, your hopes, dreams, etc. And after a while you'll be surrounded by millions of thoughts running through your head. Then there's this moment where you think, yes I'm lost.. lost within your own thoughts. Then you will feel like you need to share it, so here comes the writing part. Not so sure whether that make sense to you or not, but that is what I think. Here's just an introduction to my blog, enjoy reading the upcoming posts =D