The Ending

It's funny how there's no more tears within me
I guess my tears has dried up after crying almost everyday for the past 2 years
These past 2 years has been absolutely crazy
The pain gradually builds up
The distance is gradually adding
The fight is never ending
The delusions.. the denials.. the urge of everything.. were too overwhelming
The signs were apparent enough
And eventually it leads to that day when it ended
I've been too tired
So when it all comes to an end
There is nothing left within me
Although in saying that,
I still don't know how to move on
I am slowly letting you go
But you are still a big part of me
Maybe it'll be gradual as well
But I hope this can soon passed by
Because I am tired

Goodbye

Goodbye to the most perfect person I've ever known
It was a good 6 years
I guess only the memory remains now
Though I understand that this is the best for the both of us
Ofcourse this won't end my sadness
I will miss you very much

Just A Trash

Its intense, its crazy intense

When you’re willing to give your all

When you’ll settle with almost nothing

When you try so hard to keep things together

But in the end, you’re just thrown away

Like something worthless

I know I did wrong

And I messed up

But how can you be like this to me

With your cold words

Your ignorance

Its not gonna make me hate you

Instead it’s piercing right through me

You’re everything that I’ve ever wanted

You’re someone whom I really admire

Who I look up to so much

But in the end… what am I to you?

Nothing but a piece of trash who bothers ur life.

Is liking you the biggest sin?!

So I keep hearing things about you from your friends

And everytime.. That heartwrenching feeling

I just cannot help it...

It hurts sooo sooo soo much

And there is literally no words to describe this feeling anymore

The pain feels so unbearable at times

I just.. Don't know anymore

Can't see can't talk can't do anything

It's so suffocating

Why do you hate me so much, when you can forgive those who literally abuse you and talk behind your back.. 

Yet both of them are your closest friend..

I just cannot comprehend

Is liking you the biggest sin?!

Holding Back

Do you know how hard i am trying?
Im trying so hard not to bother you
Im trying so hard to control myself
To hold back my feelings
But it gets up to a point where I cant hold it anymore
Coz I want you
I want you here
I want to talk to you so badly
But.. At this rate..
Even that is impossible
I miss you
I cant help but to look back on how beautiful it was
How happy I was
I know it's my fault
But I just dont know what to do anymore..

Fear

Keep asking myself..
Why am I doing this to myself
Why am I making all these decisions
When I know it's just going to hurt me even more
The things I do will just confirm that things won't ever go back to the way it was
I will see the things I'd hate to see
Hear the things that will hurt me
Know things that will just crush me
I know it's going to get ugly
But a part of me still wants to go through it
I don't know if it's out of my own selfishness
But everyone has that part of them
I fear for the future
I'm sacred you'll be mean to me
I'm scared you'll avoid me
I'm scared you'll hate me forever
These fears.. Is draining me so much

Just let me be

How can I let go of you
When you're everything to me
If I do, I will lose all of me
You've got nothing to lose, but for me it's everything
I may mean absolutely nothing to you
But you mean just absolutely everything to me
So how....... how am I suppose to do it?
I will wait however long it takes for you to accept it
That I like you.. a lot.
So please just let me be
And stop trying to fix me
Coz the more you're trying to fix me the more you're hurting me
Just take me for granted
And it's fine
Just don't leave me broken over and over again

Just a fool

I'm just a fool who foolishly love you

I'm just a fool who’s willing to conquer the world for nothing

I'm just a complete fool who cannot let you go

Even when you can’t give anything back

Even when you’re so cold to me

Even when you hurt me so much

Even when you push me away

I can’t hate you enough to let you go

Coz you’re just too good to be true

Simply perfection despite all your imperfections

I hope one day you’ll accept this fact

The fact that I’m fine even when you can’t return this love

I really hope that one day you’ll take me back as your friend

Coz only then you can erase this pain

Why :(

Why are u hurting me like theres no tomorrow

Do you know how much your words are hurting me

Why are u doing this to me

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy……… it hurts so much L

Can you appreciate me a little bit

You always take me for granted

And it hurts

But I don’t know what to do either

I cant convince myself to let you go

Even if I can I wouldn’t know how

Or where to start

Crushed

And u left a big hole in my heart

U crush every part of me until there’s almost nothing left

This is one thing I beg u not to do but u did it anyway

Coz maybe u simply don’t care anymore

Why do you hate me so much

Have I committed the greatest sin to you?

Why is it so wrong to love you

Everything I do is sincere

It was big and elaborate coz I want to show you how much you actually mean

That you’re worth every thoughts and time I spent for it

Yet you completely crushed me with your words

And you decide to just throw me away without taking any responsibility for what you’ve done to me

Why am I so despicable to you..

Whyyyyyyyyyyyy…… what have I done so wrong =(

Can you compromise for me? No you can’t

You always ask me why should you go out your way

My answer is.. you would if you care..

Coz you being cold is crushing me 100 times worst

And I told you so many times as well but you don’t listen!

I just wanna hate you so much

But in the end I’d just forgive you

And the pain lingers all over again

There is no doubt

There is no doubt that I still like you
There is no doubt that I miss you like crazy
There is no doubt that I wanna talk to you
There is no doubt that I am broken
I tried hard not to think about you
Coz it hurts every single time
How I'm pushed down the bottom of your life
How I am just that insignificant part of your life
I don't know why you always ignore me
And yet all I can do is just swallow it
So I do.. every single time
Will it ever change?
There is no doubt I will remain the same

Madness

Its just a deep anger buried within me

I don’t know how to let it out

How to express it

Keep getting frustrated at myself

At the situation

I just don’t know what to do anymore

You’re so busy with your life

How am I suppose to barge in

This strong urge to know more

Thus curiousity and jealousy

Is killing my soul

It’s draining my emotion

I am just a broken piece

Waiting to be pick up

So don’t step on to me even further

This is a complete madness