why......

And so... for the numerous times.. I'm having those sort of moments again.. Where I feel like I'm getting crushed down to the ground..

I want to blame someone for it.. And as much as I want to do that.. I realised that it's no one's fault. Is it mine? I don't know myself. I want to blame a certain person.. But I know it's not that person's fault. I wanna blame God.. But Obviously God isn't the one to blame as well..

I feel like the world is collapsing on me. Nothing seems to go right.. And that envious feeling.. When everyone else got what I wanted. I can't seem to get over this feeling of jealousy.

In my head.. There's only this big question mark of WHY.. WHY IN THE WORLD IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. WHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! I hate myself for being like this. But I can't help it. Oh please someone just tell me why. I don't get it.............

Just don't understand..

I don't know where to start,
But at the moment, I'm scared of life
I'm scared of reality
I'm scared of the world I live in..
Never knew the world is quite scary..

Everything is unexpected
Everything is a blur
The path is unclear

Nothing is fair
Efforts put in are in vain
Today, once again for the numerous time..
I feel the unfairness of life

Things that I just cannot understand
Completely out of my mind
No matter how much I think
It's too hard to comprehend

Why? Why? Why?
Why do my efforts seems to be useless?
Why do people who put less effort than me got it?
Why don't I get it?
Why?
They got it so easily
I tried so hard
I put my 110% effort into it
I've waited for so long
I've prayed
I've done everything I could
BUT WHY
Others got it
And I don't?

It doesn't make sense
My head hurts
My heart aches

I just don't understand................

too perfect

arghhhhh i cannot stop thinking about you... looking if you're online or not.. wondering what you're doing.. who you're talking too =( sad that we're going to see each other tmr =( its ok..i'll see u on sunday. but anyway.. sighh i cannot stop thinking about you =( why are you so perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you're cute
you're good looking
you're tall
you have a perfect figure
you're smart
you have a good voice
you're nice
you're hard working
you have aim in your life

YOU ARE JUST PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! one of the most perfect person i've ever liked..

mystery

its not something that u can solve..
its not something that anyone can solve..
i should be the one to solve it..
but it seems that i cannot do that..

i see the impossibility everyday..
but why don't i want to give up yet?
there's this magnet that attached my thoughts to you..
i cannot just let it go..

it puzzles me where this is leading to..
im going crazy bcoz of u!

overwhelmed..

its 3.17am.. and i can't sleep
it's been 2 days now that i can't sleep
i don't know why...
i'm overwhelmed by everything
too many things running through my mind
i'm exhausted..
don't know why im worrying so much!!
i must have been crazy..
sighs.. ive been crazy about u lately
i refreshed ur fb every 10 mins..
and its not even funny
i stare at my fb page just bcoz u're online
knowing that u're there makes me happy
even when im away.. i checked my phone every 10 mins to see if u're online or not
i checked when ur online on ur whatsapp tho we never talked there
i even went to ur ex's fb page.
wtf is wrong with me!
im completely obsessed by u!!!
its not even funny anymore :(

Thoughts of the night

I have written a diary since January 2006.
There are 1189 pages at the moment,
in which 589 pages are my life after meeting you.
That's about half of diary since 2006.
It's been nearly 2 years now.
One year, nine months, and 18 days right now.
Don't know why am I wasting my life on liking you?
When it's just certainly impossible to be together.

사랑이 무서워 - Afraid Of Love

이러다 미쳐버릴지 몰라
아니 이미 너에게
미쳐 버렸는지 모르지
이러다 죽어버릴지 몰라
아니 이제 너 없인
살 수 없는지도 모르지
이 세상엔 안 되는 사랑
사랑해선 절대 안 되는 사람
너를 돌아설수록 더 너무 보고 싶어서
자꾸 겁이나 사랑이 난 무서워
그림자까지도 그리운 사람
그게 너라서 너무 두려워
널 스쳐 갔어야 했는데
사랑하지 말았어야 했는데
너를 돌아설수록 더 너무 보고 싶어서
자꾸 겁이나 사랑이 난 무서워
그림자까지도 그리운 사람
니가 너무 두려워
가르쳐 줄래 어떡해야 이 운명 앞에서 벗어날 수 있을까
너를 사랑해..사랑해..죽을 만큼 사랑해
가슴이 아파 미칠 것만 같은데
쉴 새 없이 눈물 흘러도 너를
사랑할 수 없어도 사랑해

I might go crazy
No, actually I already might be already crazy about you
I might just die
No, actually I already might not be able to live without you
A love that can’t happen in this world
A person that I shouldn’t fall in love with
The more I turn my back against you
I miss you even more
I’m getting scared, I’m scared of love
I even miss your shadow
I’m so scared that my love is you
I should have just passed you by
I should not have fell in love with you
I miss you even more
I’m getting scared, I’m scared of love
I even miss your shadow
I’m so scared that my love is you
Can you tell me what to do?
Will I be able to get out of this fate?
I love you, love you
I love you to death
Even if my heart aches so much
Even if my tears won’t stop
Even if I can’t love you
I love you