" Respect people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them."
"You lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you."

What a powerful quote. Do you know how much I'm hurting? Do you care even a slight bit?
You really mean the whole world to me. Just about everything. And I sincerely mean it.
So don't be too cruel to me, coz your every word means a lot.

Ok.. you say that I get upset if I'm being ignored. That's bcoz I don't know why you're ignoring me. If you're busy then tell me.

Your other friends don't care if you ignore them. Of course they don't coz they know they will still be good friends to you no matter what

But I don't. If I say something wrong, I could lose everything. So of course I feel insecure. And that's what leads to my frustration every time. And I have feelings, I cannot help not to feel.

I don't know what am I to you. We are friends. But was I ever a good enough friend to you? Was I ever in the same level as them? I really wanna be the best. But I can't I can't I can't.

And it hurts every time I realised that. Even before you knew the truth, I'm not just being sensitive, but I literally pay a careful attention of how you treat them. And it's different.. and I'm always so envious of it. But couldn't really show it unless I couldn't take it anymore like last time.

And no one understands this. Like why do I cling on to you and this hope so much. Because for the past 10 years or so, it keeps on repeating. Nothing ever changes. And it doesn't hurt any less every time it ended. They say I should just get away and avoid those people I can't be with. So I did before, and what.. I keep on liking people..  so I can't even like anyone? So I should just get away everytime I like someone? And everytime it ended, I end up having the same cycle over and over again. So rather than being hurt so many times like it has always been, can't I just stick to one person? I know the impossibility. But just let me be happy for once. JUST ONCE. IM ASKING JUST ONE TIME IN MY WHOLE GOD DAMN LIFE. Why is life so cruel to me?!

Even If I get over you, what's the chance that the same thing won't happen again? It always happened for the last 10 years. So really... what is the chance it won't happen again? And this is the reason why I cling so much to it.

But of course not a single soul understands this. They just say it's stupid it's foolish it's pointless. Then be in my place. You will know how it is.