There are 4 things that always hurt me no matter what. Even when I know why it's happening, but these 4 things never fail to hurt me.
1. When you ignore my questions.. Although yes I'm getting used to it. Sometimes.. I tried to let go, but in the end I still get upset. Although knowing that you always said that you're "busy" I know that you are, but as I said.. no one's ever too busy. It's a matter of priority. And what's annoying is that you're literally constantly online. Although you're saying that you're just checking these msgs if they're important or not.. I know that you do, but still.. you'd reply them. It's like how that person knows when you go home everyday.. That just proves that you talk with that person everyday. Or how that other person keeps telling what you're up to.. it's like you update them.. and sigh I guess it's the left out feeling =( And the other part is that every single time,, and literally I mean every single time.. On average it wld take abt 30 minutes before I say anything to you. I would plan it all ahead in my head.. How the flow would go, thinking what could the possible reply be, etc, etc.. and plus gather up the courage to say it, because I know you might ignore it anyway. It's like I put in so much effort and sometimes all I get is just ignorance.. Like how can I not be dumbfounded?
2. When you treat your friends so special. Hm yes this hurts.. because I do get jealous. And its like I cant help it? And it's like literally something to die for feeling. Argh... I would pay anything to get there and it's my ultimate goal to be that special to you. And there were times when I felt really special.. So everytime, it feels like I had it and completely lost it. When you were nice to me, it felt like I was in cloud 9. So yes, I get really jealous and upset about this :(
3. When I find out things about you from other people. It's like.. You didn't tell me?! I know that you have no obligation to say it. But you used to tell me things. So when I found out stuff from other people, it never fails to hurt me. Feels like I'm being left out coz I'm always the last one to know. When I always just want to know everything about you.
4. When I wanna talk to you so bad, but I can't. Well I want to talk to you every second of the day, but of course that's just too much. Sometimes I would test myself and see how long I can go for without talking to you. Usually 2 weeks is the max. And then I would test if you'd notice. But.. lol.. that's just the stupidest thing ever.. Coz no.. not in a million years you would notice such thing. Anyway, sometimes I just miss you so badly and wanna know how you going. One word usually makes me happy, it means that I'm still somehow in the picture and that you haven't completely depict me yet. But most of the times I'm too scared that I'll bother you and you get annoyed. So.. I restrain myself from saying anything. And that's one of the hardest thing to do.
